Buckley's

It's been new terrain. There hasn't been much time to reflect over what's been happening as life careens past before I can even look up from the busyness, but there is one thing that I cannot get off my mind: God answers prayer, so think twice before praying.

A year ago, I had no idea how twelve months would transform my life, but I did have a prayer. I prayed earnestly that God would give me an opportunity to share Jesus. I prayed because I had anxiety over the idea of going through twelve years of high school without ever obeying the Great Commission. I was so scared that I would live eighteen years of life without ever being the missionary that I knew I was supposed to be. So I prayed, day after day, that God would give me somebody that I could witness to. I wanted to be active in the furthering of the Kingdom, and I didn't want to wait til after graduation.

Again, I tell you. Think twice before praying. I've had more people sit me down and tell me their life stories in this past year than in all the rest of my life. Some of them I had known for a time, and others were new friends, or strangers. Some were peers, some were adults. And they were all a majorly terrifying answer to prayer.

By about the twelfth person, I was brought to my knees out of stress, and had to pray, "Hey, what's up?! I'm just trying to graduate. I'm just trying to do my best at my jobs and in school and still build my relationships with my friends- why are you giving me all the weight of all these extra burdens?" When they needed something, I didn't know how to help. When they needed advice, I didn't know what to say.

And it took me a while to get it right, I'll be honest. At first, I played the neutral listener. I never gave my opinion unless it matched theirs. I tried to be as tolerant and as nonchalant as possible. I never advised any course of action; I condoned the present lifestyle, however unhealthy it was. I was so scared of losing their trust or coming across as standoffish, that I gave up on God's call. Rather than presenting Jesus as an option, I affirmed that what they were doing was fine, acceptable, and completely their business.

And their situations got worse. It was scary to hear about the deteriorating circumstances in the lives of people around me. And that's when it hit me. These people were sick. They were in need of help, and they were calling out for help. But instead of being the doctor, I was the receptionist that listened to their issue, told them to come back in a week for another chat, and then sent them home. And yet, I was surprised when they came back sinking deeper and deeper in trouble.

It finally hit me. I asked God to make me a witness for Him, and He gave me a long list of opportunities. I didn't recognize them at first. I played the pacifist. I didn't want to offend, I didn't want to intimidate. And as I tried to be as pleasant and easygoing as I could, these new friends got no better. God had positioned me to be the light in their life, and I unplugged myself. He wanted to use me to be the light that pointed them to Jesus, but I gave them sunglasses.

The first time that I stepped out just a little bit and gave them a real tidbit of advice, I braced myself. I was expecting a shutdown. I was expecting the barriers to go up, and the relationship to be put into deadlock. But all that followed was curiosity, interest, and hope. Hope. I had been encouraging sin. I had been affirming a life lived apart from Christ. So when they continued in the way that I had been supporting, things grew hopeless when my suggestions didn't work. But the moment I brought out the real medicine, scared as I was, there was a glimmer of real hope. A chance of recovery. A possibility of renewal. Every time I passed up the opportunity to speak life, I was missing what it really means to be a missionary.

I found that even when I was open with my faith, people didn't shy away like I expected. Even those who expressed a distrust for religion seemed to be interested in my worldview. They wanted answers, and their desperation caused them to look just about anywhere.

It became apparent that while they while they thought they wanted the chocolate, what they needed was Buckley's. "It tastes awful. And it works." Is there any simpler way to describe the way the Gospel reaches us as sinners by nature?

It scared me, listening to the stories of struggle and pain, and hearing the band-aids that these people were putting over their bullet holes. It scared me, and I wondered if I was letting down my guard too much. I didn't know if I was strong enough to be their support. I didn't know if I was strong enough to be there for all of them. I didn't know if I was strong enough to hold my ground. God had given me a love for them, but I didn't want to lose myself. If you're standing on a chair, it's easy for somebody to come up, grab your arm, and pull you down to ground level. It's much harder for you to grab their arm and lift them onto the chair with you. But that's exactly what The Great Commission is. I do not believe that it is the purpose of a Christian to push the lost out of their lives. There is definitely merit to the statement, "You are who you hang out with," but I do not believe that it is our job to stay away from the sick and confused.

Mark 2:15-17~

Later, Levi invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. (There were many people of this kind among Jesus’ followers.) But when the teachers of religious law who were Pharisees saw him eating with tax collectors and other sinners, they asked his disciples, “Why does he eat with such scum?” When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

There's a need for balance in all of our lives. Church, personal devotions, and solid friends of faith are key in building us up, and holding us accountable. On the other hand, we have all eternity to spend with God and the Godly. We only have a limited amount of years to reach the unsaved. To be afraid is to give up on the greatest assignment ever given to mankind. Jesus never asked His followers to go and disciple the nations. He told His faithful friends the expectation, and it remains the mission to this very day.

Being a witness doesn't require street evangelism, or handing out Gospel tracts. We can fulfill this daily mission by simply living humbly, and Christlike. We should be living in a way that attracts people, intrigues people, but leaves them nothing to criticize. We should be living in a way that labels us as followers of Jesus, but leaves nothing worth condemning. We should be living in such a way that those who blame us and persecute us are at a loss for words. Nobody says it better than Peter:

1 Peter 3:13-17~

Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats. Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong!

I prayed. God answered. I botched it, He fixed it. Just another year in the life of yours truly.

Chapter 2

Tonight I will be closing a chapter in my life. The chapter of childhood. When we count down to New Years, I will be counting down to adulthood. I've survived 18 years of blessed madness, and God has brought me safely to this milestone in one piece.

But of course, once I pass this milestone, there's no going back. So in an effort to summarize 18 years of existence into one short post, I'll begin with the things that I have come to understand in this little life of mine.

1. God is real. It's debated among the professionals. It's argued among the scientists. It's the defining point of any worldview. I've wrestled with it for years, and have had countless moments of doubt. But through logic, good teaching, and personal revelation, I can truly say that there is no doubt in my mind. No matter how many arguments I hear, the evidence for the God of the Bible trumps them. Every. Single. Time. So while a good portion of my life so far has been spent speculating and pondering and questioning God's very existence, I've come to know that there is no other option. My prayer is that I cam go deeper in my knowledge and understanding of God. I want to move past the basics. I want to rest assured in the truth of His existence, and then learn more. I want to be done with the milk, and move on to solid food. 

Hebrews 5:13-14 ~ "Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil."

With this truth in mind, I am ready to dig deeper than ever before. I want this knowledge to stand firm in my mind, so that it can be the root of every thing I say and do. I want the reality of God and heaven to be so tangible and evident in my life. God has convinced me of himself, and it's time to follow Him as He reveals more of himself to me.

2. God is righteous. Similar, but definitely different. There are many who believe God is real, but are not convinced that He is what He says He is. He says He is all-good, and many cannot reconcile that statement with the horrible tragedies that happen every day on this planet. "Why would a good God allow bad things to happen?" It's a fair question, and I've wrestled with the question and have explored many verses and cases. In short, God has put my mind at peace with this understanding: He is infinitely big, and we are nothing. He is infinitely good, and we are corrupt. He is all-knowing, and we are shallow and blind. How, therefore, could we ever expect to question God's ways? How could we, who have no understanding of true righteousness, understand the One who is truly righteous? It's impossible. Our mortal brains cannot comprehend anything perfect... at least not on this side of eternity. We can question God's ways. We can point a finger at Him. We can shake our fists and demand answers. OR, we can be still and know that He is all-good, and all-loving, forever. It's a truth that we can only accept through faith. It doesn't mean we understand every earthquake, tsunami, or act of terrorism. But it means that we choose faith when we observe everything that God does or doesn't do. He has things under control, and His righteousness and love are 100% steadfast.

Job 36:26 ~ "Look, God is greater than we can understand. His years cannot be counted."

3. Material pleasure is worthless. I've written too many posts about this topic for it to be ignored. This is one thing that God has laid heavily on my heart. Although I still fall into the temptation that wealth and material things bring, God has been chiseling away at that weakness for quite a long time. Heading into the big one-eight, it brings me joy to be able to say that material possessions are no longer occupying any pedestal in my life. I'm not perfect, but this is one thing I am convinced of. God has taught me that possessions can not be my be-all and end-all. Rather, they are tools. They are tools that can and should be used to honour God in some way. So now, I thank God for lending me everything I have- and I'm pretty stoked to figure out how to use all these assets to give back to Him.

1 John 2:15-17 ~ "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."

4. Evangelism is not an option. This is something I figured out years ago. Ever since my first opportunity to witness to a group of strangers face-to-face, the realization of the emergence of evangelism has never wavered in my mind. It's the dreaded 'E' word that scares so many children of faith. However, being convinced of the absolute reality of God and heaven, I cannot deny the reality of hell. In that case, how can I possibly give any excuse for shying away from the opportunity to share Jesus with the unsaved? I can't, and I won't. I've waited 18 years for the chance to be recognized as a responsible citizen of this world. It takes 18 years until we are technically recognized as people with intentions, goals, dreams, opinions, and plans. (At least, it sure feels that way.) I've spent a lot of time on this blog talking about my "someday." "Someday I'll go overseas...." "Someday I'll be a street evangelist..." "Someday I'll be a youth pastor..." "Someday I'll be a speaker..." "Someday I will be published..." And when I said "Someday," I meant, "When I'm an adult." Well, I may still be in high school, but I can't postpone 'someday' too long. While it's hard to do much when you're stuck in school working hard for a piece of paper in June, it's a life that is envied by most of the world. This education, though it's taken up almost all my life so far, will hopefully be worth it in the end. Hopefully, it will be what can open the doors to opportunities to serve God with everything I've learned. A new chapter of my life starts when the clock strikes midnight, and I don't want to pass up a single opportunity to fulfill my role as a disciple of Christ. I want to live with #noregrets. And by that, I don't mean getting wasted and living recklessly. No, I mean that at the end of my life, I don't want to be haunted by the God-callings that I ignored, or the opportunities to use my gifts that I was too scared to take. I have plenty of those already, and I'm ready to be done with that fear. 

Romans 1:16 ~ "For I am not ashamed of the Gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes; first for the Jew, then for the Gentile."

5. I can't stop writing. In preschool, I played my first few notes on the piano. In kindergarten, I started singing. In grade 3, I started dancing. In grade 6, I started swimming. In grade 7, I began to focus on academics. In grade 9, I started this blog. And while all those things have opened up so many opportunities already, I've loved the experiences and amazing chances I've gotten with all these different pursuits. Travelling, performing, competing, ministering, worshiping, working, creating, teaching, leading, and witnessing are just a few of the amazing things I've gotten to participate in and, God-willing, life's just starting! While all of these things have led to fantastic experiences, writing has been something different. I've been self-publishing blog posts for just under three years, and I honest cannot believe the amount of feedback. I remember writing my first post and thinking, "This is embarrassing. Who would care to read the thoughts of a small-town junior high girl?" And that's just the first of many times that God has shown me His love for turning mediocrity into something remarkable. My blogger dashboard shows me the different countries across the globe where people have stumbled upon my scattered thoughts. People have been nothing short of gracious and generous in their feedback and constant encouragement. These posts have been read at services, funerals, and youth groups- and nobody is more amazed than I am. It's not me. It's all God. I've had encounters with strangers who have told me that God is using my writing, and that it would simply be wrong to stop. After about the hundredth encounter, it was clear. This is something that I need to continue to do, and pursue after high school. I have every intention of writing my way to the grave. I had many nights in past years where I lay awake so worried about the future. I would pray fervently that God would show me His plan, so that I would have a clue what to do with my life. I am so privileged to be one of the lucky people that gets His plan spelled out in black-and-white, right before my eyes. He has been patient with me by telling me His plan through so many different people. So whatever happens after grad, you can bet it will have something to do with a paper, pen, Bible, and keyboard.

Matthew 25:29 ~ "To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away."

I could turn this list into a novel, but I have a blog with 108 posts that cover the rest pretty well. When I try to look far back into the past, I can see so many blessings and lessons that God has showered on me from day 1. In just a few short hours, I will close chapter 1 and open a fresh blank page titled, Chapter 2. I have ideas, thoughts, and clues as to what kinds of adventures these next pages might illustrate, but I'm not the author. Where I'll be from now, only God knows. Wherever I am and whatever I'm doing, I pray that I will be standing firm on these five foundation blocks that I believe God has drilled into my life. 

Good things are comin'. In death or in life, good things are comin'. Life is tough, but Jesus is tougher. With Christ in us, there is no room for fear. We are nomads in a place not our home. We're just passing through. So get up, pack up, and put a brave face on. We've got a Daddy at home that never loses sight of us for a second. This is your life. Are you who you want to be? This is your life that you are borrowing from God. So the better question is, are you who He wants you to be?

Bring on 2016. And bring on adulthood.