Cuddles

Waaaaaay back in the 'olden-days'.... or about five years ago, I was really into writing songs. I guess I just loved the satisfaction of coming up with a heart-rending melody, and putting in the poetry I had imagined over a previous stroll into the canola fields, or during a jog down to the train tracks.

Sometimes, these days, as I am showering or cleaning alone, a song of mine from earlier years will pop into my head. And sometimes, like today, the lyrics I had written without much thought so many years ago, suddenly have such depth and meaning to my present relationship with God- it's amazing!

I remember writing this song from the perspective of God- or rather, my interpretation of it. I can't remember it having any amazing, impacting revelation on my personal Christian walk at the time, but now, looking back on the words, it all has much greater meaning. In fact, as I was humming it to myself trying to remember those words I had come up with years ago, it brought me to tears.

Run into my open arms

I've been waiting here for you

It's been so long, you've been so lost

and I've really missed you.

It's been years since you last said a word to me,

You've pushed me out of your life!

I could wait for all eternity . . .

but you don't have that much time.

That was the chorus. I believe I titled the song, "Prodigal Son." I was inspired by Brian Litrell's "Welcome Home." I just loved the picture of a son who had been gone for so long, squandering his possessions and savings and ruining his life, and coming home thinking he would be a disgrace to his Father. The response still chokes me up. That picture of a Father with tears of joy in his eyes, sprinting down the street to embrace his little boy who he's been dying to see. 

And so it is with God. He could wait for eternity for us to come back to Him, but we don't have that much time. We have a miniature stretch of years in the grand scheme of history. How much of that miniature stretch is spent in our loving Father's arms? My answer would be: NOT ENOUGH.

Sometimes I like to curl up on my bed, and just imagine the literal arms of God wrapping around me like a small child. It is such an amazing, comforting picture. I forget about that image throughout the day- only praying when I feel obliged to. But God is our Father- our perfect Father! Of course He wants to hear from us, He wants us to be vulnerable and share whatever is on our hearts, He wants to know our troubles and weaknesses. In our weaknesses, and only then, can we look up and see the strength of the Almighty.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ~

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my power is made perfect in weakness." 

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ's power may rest on me.

It saddens me to know that God is always beside me, eager for me to turn to Him and tell Him about my troubles. Not facebook, not friends, not my journal, not my music, Him! He's waiting with open arms thinking, "Oh, is she going to see me? Guess not.... oh, now? Is she going to pray? Is she going to read my love letter? No, she's just going to sleep again." I can just feel His sighs. He knows that the way to fulfillment and happiness is through Him, and He longs to see us happy! So imagine how troublesome it is for Him to see us waste our chances at peace and rest and love so often?

I've been writing blog posts for over a year now- but I don't want to just write blog posts. Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm writing posts about someone I don't even know. It makes zero sense. I want to be writing about my best friend, my Father, my Savior. I want to be writing about my Lord and my God, someone who I spend most of my time with. That's not happening as of now, but I so badly want it to.

It's crazy how easily I forget that the most amazing moments in my life were those moments I spent alone in prayer, or those moments when I took the time to kneel and worship, or those moments I took to explore God's word. I've had so many of those beautiful moments, and though the stress and worries in my life were still there, they were completely drowned out in those moments.

People buy magazines, look for tips on the internet, and get psychiatric help to try to find a moment like that. We have the answer, and we hardly use it! I have the answer sitting right beside my bed, and it still takes effort to put into practice! I often go to bed, tossing and turning for hours, worrying over tests or exams or pains or friends, when the opportunity to get a great big hug from the God of the Universe is always there.

Matthew 18:12-14~

"If a man has 100 sheep, but one of the sheep becomes lost, then the man will leave the other 99 sheep on the hill. He will go to look for the lost sheep. Right? And if the man finds the lost sheep, the man is happier about that one sheep than about the 99 sheep that were never lost. I tell you the truth. In the same way, your Father in heaven does not want any of these little children to be lost."

The story of the prodigal son still manages sometimes to leave me curled up on my bed, crying like a baby. 

But you know . . . maybe those moments when we make ourselves vulnerable and weak are the best moments to be cradled by the Everlasting Arms.

By Jove!

Exodus 20:7 ~ You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses His name.

Most of the people I know presume that the only way to misuse God's Name is to hear that dreaded three word exclamation: OMG. For a while, I thought that, too. But I have been taking this into careful consideration for a long time, now. In my household, "Oh my gosh" is deemed as worse than "Oh my goodness." Does that even work? Isn't God good? Isn't He the ultimate standard of goodness?

Mark 10:18b ~ No one is good- except God alone.

But you don't see 'Oh my goodness" showing up on movie reviews as an issue. I hear my friends all the time, and I have said it too, randomly through the day exclaiming, "Praise the Lord!" In a joking tone. I used to think that was fine, but now I'm not so sure. 

The most powerful Name in the universe, the Name that frightens the demons away and defeated death, and a joking, mocking voice... those two ingredients really don't work well together. I am starting to realize that sincerity is the key. Saying His Name without being sincere... we are degrading the awesome Name that belongs to our Saviour. How can that be okay?

What about church? What about prayer? So often we sing songs about God's majesty while shifting our weight, glancing at the clock, not thinking at all about how majestic He really is. So, are we not singing His Name in vain? How many times have we, eager to get to bed or to eat, sped through a routine prayer without even thinking at all Who it is we are speaking to? Yet, we start with "Heavenly Father," or "God," or "Jesus." If our hearts are not right, if our mind is not on Him, then how is that any better than carelessly tossing, 'Oh my God'? It's exactly the same!

We have forgotten how sacred God's Name really is. The lost are saved, they find their way at the sound of His name. All condemned feel no shame at the sound of His great Name. Every fear has no place at the sound of His great Name. The enemy, he has to leave at the sound of His great Name: Jesus. 

This is the Name we casually 'praise' throughout the day. This is the Name that belongs to the person we mumble a couple words to only when we feel obliged, without even taking the time to ponder Who He is. This is the Name of the One who has conquered death, who has saved us from Hell, who died for us, and who is coming again to bring us to paradise for eternity! And that is the very name that we toss around as if it were the most common, boring word in the dictionary.

We use His Name in vain constantly. So what are we doing pinpointing those who only use His Name in vain in a certain format? I'm becoming more and more convinced that every time we say His name without sincerity, we are saying it in vain. Every song of praise to Him we don't mean, every memorized prayer, every 'Thank God,' 'Hallelujah,' (which means 'God be praised') and 'Praise the Lord,' that we exclaim in the same attitude as when we comment, 'Cool,' that is not the way in which His name should be uttered.

Acts 4:12 ~ For salvation is found in no one else for there is no other Name - Jesus- under heaven, given to men, by which we must be saved. 

Yes, He is our Father, but He is holy. Yes, He loves us, but He is Almighty! His name is not like our names, and it should certainly not be treated like we don't care. His very NAME has power!

Matthew 6:9 ~ "Pray then like this: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed by your name."

Into the Wild

My first post last year, which also was the first post ever, I titled "Satisfied?" It was the whole reason that I had started my own blog. I was restless. I felt trapped in a 15-year-old body in a bubble-wrapped town, and I felt the urge to go out into the big wild world and do something.

I've grown this year. I can now honestly eliminate the adjective "bubble-wrapped" to describe my town, as I've made many discoveries. My ignorance has been lessened a great deal, and my eyes have been opened to things going on all around me. I was surrounded by that which I thought was reserved for foreign communities. I've been exposed to things that I had never known existed and it pains me to know the truth... but there is a  part of me that was awakened and exited to know of the presence of such evils in my own neighborhood. It gave me a purpose and a chance not to go out into all the world, but to go out into my own town and spread the gospel.

I've been introduced to great needs all around. I've been educated in the struggles and terrifying experiences of people that I've known for years and years, but I had never had a clue that they had been going through these trials. I learned how real sin is, and that it is here. I was able to see firsthand the flaws and weakness of humans. In the people I thought were invincible and had everything they could ever want... their struggles shocked me.

I was frightened and amazed that this had been going on under my nose, and I must have been the most naive person here. I literally had no idea. Oh, the things I could have said to them, had I only known! Oh, the things I would have kept from saying, had I been aware of what they were going through!

And now that the world has been revealed to me as a much darker, dirtier place than it looked to me last year, I have a clear-cut mission. I have a task. But I'm still satisfied with my life. Though I wanted to cry and reach out to those who told me their stories, there was a part of me that thought, "Boy, I have such a great life compared to them. Good thing I have the family I do."

No.

I should not be satisfied with my life. I should be thankful, more thankful than I am right now, but not satisfied with my present way of living. Now that I know that these things exist and are happening to my peers and close friends, I have more of a reason than ever to do something. Writing at a blog safely from my room is not enough.

Nothing I do will ever do enough, which is great news. It means I can always give more. Always. Opportunity is knocking on my safely closed door to my cozy, warm house. That means opportunity knocks from outside. It knocks from the cold. It knocks from the hungry and the weak, and the only way to seize it is to leave my satisfaction behind.

After my mission trip to Guatemala, I discovered that I felt more alive in the grueling work and exhausting days than in my dancing and schoolwork back at home. Stepping out of my comfort zone and actually following Christ to the poor and needy gave me so much more pleasure and joy than in good grades and friendships. Why do I lose sight of that, and still search for happiness in my material goods?

Lord, teach me to desire the task of reaching out to the lost much more than my household items or material things in a store. I want to crave the saving of souls and the act of showing love to the unloved much more than accomplishments, good grades, and popularity. That way, I won't be satisfied with what I have... I won't be satisfied with these things that have no meaning. The only satisfaction I ever want is to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant." I know that your approval and joy comes from seeing your followers give up their lives for your sake, not do everything in their power to improve their own lives.

Matthew 5:14-16~

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

That's my New Year's resolution. Actually, that's my life's purpose.