Through the Night

The description of "Survival of the Fittest" does not include heartache. Tears and comfort are not part of the process of evolving. I've experienced both within the last 24 hours. My beloved dog passed away. 

I found myself fighting back tears and trying to swallow a boulder in my throat every time I had looked at his injured, sick body last night. Explain that, science. Why was it so hard to talk to him and say 'Good-bye,' just moments before they put him to sleep for the last time? Why could I hardly say the words, hardly look at him without my vision blurring? 

Because we were made to love. We were made in the image of Love.

The only explanation for love and hatred, heartache and joy, peace and worry, excitement and boredom, desire and contentment... is that we were formed in the likeness of a God who created emotions. He created the human brain to intricately respond to events in our lives. Not systematically, like a robot, but each in our own different way. How we handle grief, the way we show our love to others, the things that bring us joy, the colours we like, the way we laugh... we were designed to care.

We were knit together with a soul. A mind. A spirit. A heart. The things that touch us are different for every person. Those who are moved by music, by touch, by dance, by artwork, by nature... it's all in the gorgeous personalities that God has created perfectly with so much care. He meant for us to have emotions. He put it in our hearts. He made us to reflect His love for us. He saw that love reflected when my family sobbed our last good-bye's to our little puppy. He saw His love for us returned to Him when we comforted each other afterward. He saw His love shared with all the friends who comforted and shared their condolences with us. The people who called, the people who prayed, the people who shared in our sorrow.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ~

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens: 

a time to be born and a time to die, 

a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

a time to kill and a time to heal, 

a time to tear down and a time to build, 

a time to weep and a time to laugh, 

a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 

a time to search and a time to give up, 

a time to keep and a time to throw away, 

a time to tear and a time to mend, 

a time to be silent and a time to speak, 

a time to love and a time to hate, 

a time for war and a time for peace.

I am sure you've heard or read that passage dozens of times before... but why don't you go back and actually read every individual line? I did, and I could see memories that fit perfectly with each one. There is a time for everything. Have you ever read the words that come after?

Verse 11~

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Everything. Crying is beautiful, because it is in those moments of heartbreak and sorrow that God can come in so clearly, and hug so tightly.

It hurts right now, and I don't know how long it will hurt for. But I know that this was the prime time to weep and to laugh, to mourn and to dance. God gave me my puppy for laughter and joy, and He knew that when the time came, it would be the time to cry... and the time to be comforted. Tears are just the proof of His handiwork. His fearfully and wonderfully made creation- people who feel.

This affection that he casts on us is meant to be turned into affection towards others. He is comforting me so that I can comfort others, when they are in sorrow. It hurts. It hurts worse than anything. But God is in control. 

Psalm 30:5~

Sobbing can remain through the night.

But joy comes in the morning.

The Bare Necessities

Growing up is a scramble. It's filled with stress upon worry upon responsibility. Parents rush to put kids through school, music lessons, an assortment of sports, swimming lessons- all the necessary basics. They work hard to help their kids achieve the highest grades possible, be polite and kind to others, eat healthy, and work hard. 

Now, with just two years left of high school, the scramble for money and for jobs has begun. I know that we all sometimes stay awake late at night, tossing and turning with the fear that we will not make it in the big wide world beyond our home. This is the time when teenagers start realizing that after high school comes either college, university, and well-paying jobs... or living in a basement redoing failed courses and searching for any job available.

It's called the future, and it scares most people away from the mere thought. How will we survive? We all want a fantastic, enjoyable career, a nice new house in a peaceful neighborhood, and beautiful, handsome spouse. 

These worries have been hitting me hard lately, as I've been stressing over schoolwork, earning money, and figuring out what to do with my summer this year. I've had so many opportunities presented to me, and it's like a barrage of choices. My first thoughts were, "How can I make money?" But I was a little bit disappointed in myself for automatically making cash my first priority. I went through the list. Opportunities for missions trips.... helping with VBS.... street ministry.... summer camp.... what am I supposed to choose? 

Even though I wanted to focus on something that God would be pleased with, I still found myself looking through the list for which one would benefit me the most. I skimmed over the volunteer jobs, and only looked seriously at the ones that would pay. I want to be prepared for when high school is over, I don't want to be at all in need of funds.

....but I won't be needing anything.

Luke 22:35~

Then Jesus asked them, 

"When I sent you without purse, bag 

or sandals, did you lack anything?" 

"Nothing," they answered. 

Philippians 4:19~

And this same God who takes care of me will 

supply all your needs from his glorious riches, 

which have been given to us 

in Christ Jesus.

Why am I afraid of what will come next? How many blogs have I written about the secure, sovereign hand of God, which will accomplish its work no matter what? I believe that God has a purpose for my life. Whether it is through writing, teaching, dancing, speaking, cleaning, anything... He made me to accomplish something, and he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)

It is God, and God alone that has the power to give or take a life. He will protect me. He will guide me. He will show me where to go as long as I am listening to His instructions. Why should I fear man? If my God is for me, then who could ever stop me? 

People cannot harm me if I have the Lord on my side, and am sacrificing my life to further His kingdom. This is what He means when He tells us to pick up our crosses daily. Last I heard, carrying a cross was not a well-paying job, money-wise. However, the things we give up and the risks we take to glorify Christ's name are being stored in heaven as crowns, too glorious to be compared to the pain we endure on earth. 

So be bold! The future is full of surprises, but the more we look in His Word to find our purpose, the more we pour out our hearts and let them break with compassion, the more abundant our lives will be! Fear not!

James 4:13-15~

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, 

spend a year there, carry on business and make money."Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

Christ has conquered death, and we belong to Christ. So... can you even name one legitimate fear? The future belongs to God. The risks you take when following His voice, He will be there guarding you, protecting you, providing for you. Money is no object... in fact, it's not even necessary.

Hallelujah is Our Song

Isaiah 53:5~

But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. 

He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped 

so we could be healed.

2000 years ago, He was killed. Some might say it was without cause. Unjust. Cruel. Unfair. Some, myself included, tend to glare at those Pharisees... what were they thinking? What could have possessed them to hate and brutally torture a perfect, holy, innocent man?

I glare for a while before it finally hits me that I'm simply staring into a mirror. By accusing them of being despicable monsters and killing Jesus, I am just as hypocritical and self-righteous as I hate them for being. Every person who has ever had a heartbeat nailed Jesus to that cross. This is a fact, and is plainly stated in Romans chapter 3. 

The other night, as is tradition, I watched Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ. I've seen it three times now, and it just gets harder to watch every year. It's because every year, something new strikes me. With every blow of the whip, the clear love message becomes clearer and so much more obvious.

As I sat in church this Easter Sunday, I realized how strange we are. It made me excited, actually. As we took communion, I tried to place myself in the shoes of a complete stranger to Christianity, hearing for the first time people talk about 'Drinking Jesus' blood' and 'eating his body' to 'remember and share in His death.' We wear torture instruments around our necks! How is a cross any less brutal than a guillotine, or any stranger than wearing an electric chair as a pendent on a necklace?

I sing common church choruses almost without feeling, as the words are habitual- I don't remember when I first learned them. Only today did I suddenly notice how peculiar those words were. "Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?" "Show me the tomb where Thou wast laid." If these words can have such a distinct impact on an unbeliever, what kind of message does it send when we sing those words as numbly as we sing The Alphabet Song? We sing about the shedding of Christ's flesh, His crucifixion, the nails in His hands and feet, His blood pouring out over us... and we sing it like the most boring tune on the planet. 

And yet, those same words are what we are told to be the greatest message every! Those words are the Gospel! They are good news! The sacrifice that God made is so often lost- drowned by a flood of Easter eggs and barbecues, rest and relaxation. But that sacrifice is literally the most impossibly beautiful gift that could ever be given- abounding in love and mercy.

Think of every sin you've ever committed. The mere thought is overwhelming, I know. Every impure thought, every rude comment, every grin at the expense of someone else's pain... I can't count the number of times these appear in my own life's story. Now, as a rough estimate, say that there has been approximately 100 billion people on earth. Ever. 100 billion people have breathed this air, and had life. And every one of those 100 billion people have sinned. Imagine every sin you've committed once more, and multiply that by 100 billion.

Now think of a baby. Maybe yours or your neice's or nephew's or a friend's. The most innocent, pure looking creature on the planet. So fragile and meek. Just think for a moment what would happen if every single one of your sins were suddenly piled onto that baby. Even the weight of just one person's sins would be unbearable for someone as innocent as an infant. Now imagine the accumulated sins of 100 billion people, all taken off of their shoulders, and placed on one, tiny, beautiful baby.

No doubt, the pressure of the evil would kill the baby instantly. There is no way any human can stand such an atrocity.

That is the sacrifice that Jesus gave for us. Not only was he crushed for our sins, he was crushed by them. Without the power of the Most High strengthening Him for the trial and the crucifixion, the insurmountable weight of all the sin would have broken Him. He was all God, and He was all man. He had every murder, rape, theft, lie, kidnapping, abuse, slander, and sin of every one that had ever lived, everyone that was living, and everyone that would live in the future. (That'd be you and me.)

The weight of such sin is so heavy, the burden of it is meant to be dragged down to hell. But out of love so amazing, so divine, Jesus bore that sin and endured even more torture, all so that we could spend eternity in paradise.

It amazes me when I read about the Pharisees, and it haunts me to realize how much we have in common. They refused to see the evidence that Jesus Christ was, indeed, the Messiah, and without realizing it, they were the Devil's mouthpiece.

Without Jesus' death and resurrection, there would be no forgiveness of sins! All the way through His life, Jesus was tempted by Satan to give up. We think that Satan only tempted Jesus three times, out in the desert? Oh, no. Right up until Jesus breathed His last, Satan was there, coaxing the Messiah to let go of the burden of sins, and abandon His people.

Matthew 27:41-42~

In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him, "He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the king of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him.

These Pharisees believed they were ridding the world of an evil man. They thought they were pleasing God. Now, their words are on display to us today, and we can see that they were only voicing the Devil's commands. They wanted a miracle for themselves. They wanted a specific miracle. They wanted Jesus to deliver them from the Romans. The prophecies of the Old Testament had helped them create a Messiah that would perform and act a specific way. When Jesus didn't measure up to those standards, they concluded that He was not from God. 

As Jesus was suffering and nearing His end, they were desperate for Him to show them. They thought they were giving Him one last chance to prove to the world that He was God. I just want to grab their shoulders and shake them: "Don't you realize that you are asking for God to abandon you? Don't you realize that without His death you are not cleansed?" 

If Jesus had complied with their pleadings and mockery, if He had succumbed to the temptation of being free of pain and of suffering... our faith would be dead. We would be following a God who cares only for Himself, and not for His creation. There would be no point to life, because there would be no hope for sinners. 

This is why we sing of the blood. The power in the blood. This is why we shout that He has risen, indeed! Hallelujah is our song, and we will continue to sing for all of eternity! We are not morbid, creepy, sinister people. Yes, we sing of ancient torture and talk joyfully about this innocent man's cruel death. But even more importantly, we know what happens next. We sing because this death and resurrection has given us an undying hope, a hope that can never be worn down.

Since our God has conquered death, we have no need to fear it. This is why we carry our crosses. As He died, we die to our sins. As He lived again, so we live for Him. He paid our debt- a debt He did not owe.

Happy Easter!

76 Years

Technically... we are immortal until we die. It's a way of thinking that makes people believe they can do anything, accomplish anything, and dream big. We all feel indestructible. When hanging out with a group of friends, hardly ever will anyone look at each of the people and think, "In ninety years, every single one of us will be dead." No one likes to think about that, so usually, they don't.

Then they break their neck. Then they get diagnosed with cancer. Then they're best friend is killed. Then they think about death. They think about it, because it becomes real. And then the massive question looms a little closer overhead: "How much time do I have left?"

Death is not really a normal fear. No one knows what it will be like, but it is obvious that it is something that is inevitable, thanks to sin. So, until that 'distant' day when we breathe our last, we live like we will never die, because that's the way things seem.

I took a quick little quiz that estimates how much longer I have left, assuming that I will die naturally. I have 76 years left, according to this simple Life Clock. It estimated that I will live until the ripe old age of 92: http://www.poodwaddle.com/Life/

Though it quickens my heart rate slightly to see that number, it really doesn't bother me. 76 years is a long time. Long enough, in fact, to see many of my loved ones pass away.  76 years is more than quadruple the length of the life I have lived so far. 76 is far away. Or so it seems.

My life could actually only have 5 years left to it. It could have 5 days. Though that may seem like a morbid thought, it is true. Then, when you really start to think this through, you think about the people you pass every day. Their life could be stretching on beyond sight, or that could've been the last time you ever passed by them. Life is a God-given thing, and He can take it away. He has every right to, and certainly the power to do so.

I have been thinking a lot about Jesus' crucifixion, Easter coming up so quickly, and all. I have been thinking about the two thieves on the crosses beside Jesus'. They knew that their lives were soon to be terminated. Imagine the fear. The regret. The anguish. The pain. As they waited in their cells to be tortured, I can imagine that they were going through all the words they had said, the lives they had taken, and the people they had harmed. Had it been worth it? As they were flogged and nailed to pieces of wood, I highly doubt that they were ready to die peacefully.

These men knew death, because it was right on their doorstep. They could practically taste it. Jesus could, too. All three men were breathing their last few breaths, yet they all had different outlooks.

For the one criminal, he was angry and thought that it was too late to do anything about where he was now. His life was through, and he gave up. He joined in with the mockers who assailed Jesus with taunts. With pain stabbing through his palms and feet and every wound on his weak body, death seemed to real and too powerful for Jesus to conquer. Putting his trust in someone who was dying right next to him didn't seem like an option.

For the second criminal, he also knew that death was just minutes away. He felt himself struggling for breath- and for life. However, he also saw the man beside Him, the man who could forgive him. He didn't want to die with such guilt, shame, and regret. Although he had to die on a cross, he needed to go with a hope.

Luke 23:40-43 ~

"Do you not even fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? 

"And we indeed are suffering justly, for we are receiving what we deserve for our deeds; 

but this man has done nothing wrong." And he was saying, "Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!" And He said to him, "Truly I say to you, today you shall 

be with Me in Paradise."

Stronger, even, than the pain that stung in every inch of his body, was the relief and hope that must have flooded this man's heart. For the first time, He was secure. Secure. It's an odd thing to be when you are tethered to a cross with nails through your limbs and blood gushing out of dozens of deep lashes... but hope and love are stronger than anything else. Hope and love. That's what Jesus is, and it is what He brings.

I want to be like that thief. I am no better than he was. The smallest speck of sin is enough to keep someone out of heaven, so on that scale, he and I are very much alike. Our sentence should be identical. Hell. 

I am not being crucified any time soon, and for now, I feel safe and comfortable. I feel like death is millions of years away from me, and it could possibly never come... but it will. Though it sounds like a depressing way of thinking... I want to live in that reality. I want to be like the thief who knew that he was doomed and understood that he was a sinner. He saw that his only hope was to put his trust in the grace of Jesus. 

In my life right now, as I am sure is similar in yours, Jesus doesn't truly seem like the only hope I have. I know that He is, but it isn't a truth that I completely grasp. I tend to act like friends are my hope and my future. My grades are what gives me a purpose. Dancing and succeeding are what drives me. This is so wrong!!

I want to turn myself inside-out and be the thief. I don't want to steal, but I want to be somewhat... exposed. If all these things of mine were stripped away, I would be much like the criminal on the cross- left to die without my friends, talents, ambitions, and family who I have based my life around. 

Then, and only then, will I see that there is only one hope. Christ. I am nailed to a tree, naked and beaten and in shame and guilt because all those things that I devoted myself to were NOT WORTH IT. But Jesus is. He is worth it and He is mighty to save.

Zephaniah 3:17~

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. 

He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, 

but will rejoice over you with singing.

Living a life of hypocrisy and self-righteousness is the way to destruction. It is the path of the Pharisees. I'll admit that I am definitely guilty of hypocrisy... but I am praying that God will humble me and show me that pride is disgusting in His eyes. Notice that it was the lying, cheating, murdering, stealing, backstabbing, traitorous criminal that was told by the God of the universe: "Truly I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise!" It's so amazing to me- it's almost unbelievable.

A life of confession and repentance is what God desires, not one of outward cleanliness and inward evil.

76 years of confession and repentance? Sounds good to me.