Only A Milestone

2013       Typhoon hit the Philippines. Pope Benedict XVI resigned. Calgary flooded just before the Stampede. Boston Marathon bombings. Obama was re-elected. Brutal mall attack in Kenya. Huge tornado in Oklahoma. US Government Shutdown. iPhone 5S and 5C. Chicago Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup. Blackberry went down the drain. The royal baby, Prince George, was born. I started a blog.

There's been approximately 139,000,000 births, and 58,000,000 deaths. Despite all the suicides, murders, and natural disasters, the world population grew by approximately 82,000,000.

So here we are, just hours away from a metaphorically clean slate. Looking back, people are seeing the depths of despond that they thought they would never get through, but here they are. Some are now gone that, if they had been helped, would have been doing that very same thing.

It has been a mere 365 days, and look at all that has been accomplished. Look at all that has been destroyed. Look at how much more you know now. Evaluate the success of your 2013 New Year's Resolutions.

Milestones have been reached. I will reach mine in seven hours. My sixteenth birthday.

But what is a milestone? Isn't it simply the imaginary summit we make for ourselves? Or rather, it is the imaginary checkpoints we place along the path of life, and we assume that only after achieving them all will we finish the race well. We don't take into account that the accomplishing of some of those milestones may lead us off the path God intended.

New Year's Day is an annual internationally recognized milestone... but it's only a day. We celebrate the changing of a single digit. We are going from a 3 to a 4. A milestone? Who knows what 2014 will have in store for us? Who knows if we will even live through it? Who knows whether the world will last until this time next year? Who knows how many more births, deaths, bombings, inventions, wins, and losses will occur during the next 365 days? Just God.

Those of us who remain have been granted another 'milestone.' We are calling it 2014. The history of the Bible has now been pushed back yet another year, and the belief in that history will be pushed further back as well, if it is not defended.

Many people saw their previous New Year's Resolutions fail. That's where depression reaches a peak. People think "Well, it's too late to try now- I'll wait until next year." Forgetting that the imaginary milestone they label as "Next Year" might not be on God's timeline.

Starting at midnight, the clock begins ticking. For this next trip around the sun, we will all be given 525,949 minutes at our disposal. Of course- God isn't subject to the physics of this solar system that He created.

There are lives that are expected to see 2015, who won't even live til midnight tonight. There are lives that are dangerously close to being self-extinguished, that are needing the Power of God to bring them out of the darkness, so that they can live to see their entire life of God's intended length for them.

There are souls being lost, but there are so many more waiting to be saved!

This is the purpose for which I am, Lord-willing, entering into 2014. This is my resolution.

God, I'm giving this year to You.

Proverbs 16:3 ~

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, 

and your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 19:21 ~

Many are the plans in a man's heart, 

but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Priorities.

See, I'm kind of determined to reach 42 blog posts before this year is out. 42 just seems like a rather... iconic number. Seeing as I will need two more including this one, and I have one more day... aw, shucks. Why not?

Today I went shopping with the gift card that I was given for Christmas. The stores were crowded, but it wasn't exactly Boxing Day Ballistic. Nonetheless, just as every other time I go shopping, I was filled with... frustration. I feel embarrassed, and annoyed with myself, and everyone around me.

I almost try to hide the things I am purchasing, because I am embarrassed to have the money to purchase them. I know we are so rich here in Canada. Even those who think they are poor on a First-World Country's standard are kings compared to the billions of people in the world that will never see more money in their lives than we see in a day.

I've been especially self-conscious of every spoiled word and phrase and action I see around me, or those I make. "Can I have seconds?" "That's not fair... I already did more than my share of chores today." Big deal. We are so wimpy! We are so ungrateful. Every prayer we murmur contains a "Thank you," or two, or even an acknowledgment of our "many blessings," but we don't really realize it. Sometimes I wonder if all these... things, are really a blessing at all.

Consumerism. Wants are disguised as needs, which leads to debt, depression, and destruction. Why are the richest countries in the world also the saddest? We have some of the largest percentages of suicides. This is where our greediness has brought us, and we fail to attribute our issues to our incurable disease called WANT.

At every checkout counter, there are dozens of scandalous magazines shooting out headlines. The thing I notice most... they're all the same. There's nothing new. Nothing original. "30 New Fat-Burning Excercises!" "Greatest Health Recipies!" "Life Hacks 101!" It's been that way for years, why are we still so gullible? People continue to purchase these magazines with these claims, even though these are the exact same claims magazines have been making for years. Nothing exciting. If it didn't work before, why do people still fall into the trap and try again and again? Can't they see that it isn't making them happy?

There is the problem. Happiness. "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness." It's a well-known phrase, but is more often than not, gone about all the wrong way. People are always pursuing happiness. People are almost always pursuing happiness in the completely wrong places, unfortunately.

Don't forget that Christian fall into that same trap as well. I was reminded of that today. To humans, God is not a tangible, visible thing that we can grasp. That is one of the reasons that many refuse to believe. Their belief is that if you cannot see, hear, feel, taste, or smell something... it doesn't exist.

I fail so often to remember that God is more than enough for me. I lie to myself and think I 'need' all these new products or clothing items or electronics... but I don't need any of it. Only God can ever satisfy. Trying to fill emptiness with anything of the world is so pointless- it only makes the gaping gap bigger. There is only one way it can be filled, and that is Jesus.

I sometimes wonder if it pains God when we want worldly things so badly. We pray, "God, please give me that car. That phone. That relationship. That house. That pet." I can just imagine Him wanting to shake us and bring us to our senses! A car may be of great value to us, but to a God who created and owns everything, and has never had a beginning and will never have an end... it's lower than dust.

Matthew 6:19-21~

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 

We may plead, "Please Lord, help me earn the money to buy that car!" I can just picture Him telling us, "Yes, I could give you that car. But I am wanting to give you so much more! I just wish you would ask for joy. I wish you would ask for peace. I can give you patience. I love to give good gifts to you, my child, but you keep asking for worthless trinkets. That car will fade away like grass. But these things I can give to you, a relationship with Myself, will never fade away."

We know these truths, but we continuously forget. We constantly put a relationship with God at the bottom of the list, and those top slots change as often as the wind. It's proof of how fickle we are.

A lot of people want a stable life. Imagine how solid one's life could be if God occupied that #1 spot. If everything else on that list, everything that was desirable, reflected what God would have them desire. Everything they desire would be for good, it would all be according to God's plan.

We do have that opportunity- each one of us! When we put God first and give Him the role of Lord in our lives, He will lead us down the right path.

It may be a little late to make a new Christmas list, but what about a New Year's Resolution?

Matthew 6:33~

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; 

and all these things shall be added unto you.

To Be Genuine.

Am I the only one that feels super fake during church? In most worship services, I get so frustrated that I just want to leave. Sometimes, I stop singing and stand there, because I hate the vile taste of hypocrisy that the lyrics leave in my mouth.

Songs that claim the determination and loyalty of our sinful human selves make me sick. I can't bring myself to sing them- not yet. "You are my King, You are my King." That should be true. I know that. I want that. But is it that way? Not completely. I don't want to lie to myself, or to God by singing that.

I've been wrestling with this for quite some time now. The words I sing are as meaningless as if I wasn't singing them at all. "Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that You're my God." How I wish I could sing that with 100% honesty... but as I sin those words I'm standing in the crowd either with my arms crossed, yawning during the choruses, glancing at the clock, wanting to leave.

"And I'll stand with arms high, and heart abandoned." Yeah, right. So far, I've been clinging on to my heart with all my strength. Though I sing the words, they couldn't be more false.

"Where You go, I'll go, Where You stay, I'll stay, When You move, I'll move, I will follow You, Who You love, I'll love, How You serve I'll serve, If this life I lose, I will follow You" I despise myself for singing those words, because I fail so often to actually do that. I wish it was true, but it isn't. Not yet.

The truth is, I try. I can't help but feel that the songs that make such claims... are dangerous, perhaps. I'm tentatively saying that, as this is a personal issue. This is why I would rather sing songs that talk all about Christ and what He's done, rather than our meager attempt to imitate Him. We are finite and fallible. He is infinite, and perfect. So, in my best opinion, we should be spending more time praising His name, instead of our own.

Someday, I want to take a trip all by myself out to a cabin in the wilderness. For a few days, I just want to reach a point where I can sing those words truthfully. I want to reach a point where I can be totally engulfed in the realm of worship, and fall to my knees before the Throne of Grace. I want it to be real. I want to really worship.

I don't want to sing these songs if my heart isn't right. I don't want to lie anymore. If my heart isn't right with God, then I won't sing. I will get myself right with God before I start making all those claims that I am destined to break.

And I hope I'm not lying.

Breaking Habits

It's a bleak day. You're sitting on a bench by the road. You can hear the chitchat all around. Someone's at the payphone, it sounds urgent... but it's not your business. The two teenagers walking by seem full of energy- but you have no idea what they're talking about. You watch as the bus stops by, releasing a diverse handful of people- they're all on their phones.

That top-notch shop across the street selling purses and scarves at triple-digit prices has had high-heeled, tuxedo-clad customers opening and closing the shiny doors off and on all day. You sigh. You see the business man or woman strutting by- engaged in a very important sounding phone call. Their shoes click briskly on the sidewalk, giving everyone reason to believe that they are, at that moment, the most important. Their task at hand, though unknown to all observers, is given the highest respect because of the air of importance the individual presents.

They're gone. You look down at your fading jeans, and zip your jacket up a little more. Slouching, you close your eyes- not even caring anymore what the people around you think. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Everything you've been draining yourself for, everything you've been giving to others, it doesn't seem to matter. No one's grateful. No one cares. No one even notices. You thought you had talents. You thought you had purpose. You thought. Not anymore- if there's nothing to live for, why bother living?

It may have been five minutes or fifty. You slouch there, your legs are numb from the cold metal bench. Your eyes are still closed, and you feel yourself nodding. Wouldn't it be great to just... slip into peaceful oblivion- forever? 

Firm hands grasp your shoulders. You try to jump off the bench and wheel on whoever is behind you, but they don't let you. They begin to shake you violently, but only for a moment. As you jump to your feet and spin on a dime, prepared to shout at your harasser, something stops you. Isn't it the homeless man from the other block? Something about the look in his eyes- it isn't threatening, it isn't angry... in fact, it looks desirable. The furious words that had just been formulating on your tongue, pause. Something about his character makes you want to listen.

It sounds like complete gibberish, but you can't stop listening. Are you really believing this? What is wrong with this guy? He is fanatical- waving his hands, pointing, jumping, literally shaking, and shouting, "Praise God! Praise God! Glory to God, oh, glory to God! You must go, you must go see- there's been a baby born! He is finally here, hallelujah!"

He runs off, babbling as he goes. You stand in shock, and in wonder. Every once of logic inside of you tells you to sit back down, and forget about the crazy homeless man. However, there is something in you- can it be a hunger?- it beckons you to go. With a shrug, you begin in the direction the man had pointed in, shaking your head all the way. What has gotten into you? Since when did you take orders from crazy homeless people?

There it is. So ordinary. You don't understand, but you want to. It's just a mother and a father, and their firstborn child. What is so incredible about that? This should be sort of awkward- the couple just had a baby, for goodness' sake! You really should leave, let them have some privacy. The mother looks relieved, the father is beaming, but they're both exhausted. You try to summon the willpower to leave, but they beckon you over. Slowly, apprehensively, you approach the newborn. He is wriggling, and making little anxious noises- you fear that he will burst into screeches. There is a hush. The awe that overcomes you is enough to melt out the entire world surrounding, but you don't let it.

You think of the homeless man, of his exuberance and the intense joy that overflowed from him. That was what you had seen. In that man, you saw the fulfillment to the hunger inside yourself. You vaguely remember hearing him shouting out his praises and exclamations to every person on the streets, and you see why it was so appealing. He found a purpose. He found a hope. He found a life. He found everything that you so desperately needed.

It lay in the arms of this young woman. You've never seen this couple in your life. You don't even know the baby's name... but it's your responsibility to surrender your life to Him.

Alright- hold up.

It's just a baby. Not even born in a hospital- but in a cave. Into a poor family. And that very baby demands your life. 

We can sing all the cutesy Christmas carols we want, but as long as we hold our lives from Jesus, the One who can take our lives and mold them into something beautiful, then we might as well be Chimpanzees singing, 'O Canada, we stand on guard for thee,' or turtles saying America's Pledge of Allegiance. It's pointless. It's meaningless. It's a waste of breath.

"O, come let us adore Him." Really? We sing it every day during this Christmas season, but we sing it like a bore. Just imagine if, at a wedding, while the couple are exchanging their vows, one of them says their vows as if they can't wait for it to be over. They roll their eyes, yawn in the middle, cross their arms, shift their weight- what kind of wedding would that be? Imagine the hurt the partner would feel as their spouse-to-be talks of intimate love and long-term commitment as though they were running through an attendance list. Now, imagine that amount of hurt ten times worse, afflicted on Jesus every time we sing these carols in that way. Our minds are thinking about anything but Jesus, as our lips sing the routine words. That's not commitment to Christ, it's commitment to tradition.

Does that seemingly insignificant baby have your all? Do you depend on Him? Is the reality that the fate of the world rests on that baby real to you? 

It's the reason for the season. My advice would be to get that figured out.

Unconsciously Alive

            I remember, last year at the Junior High Track and Field Divisionals at Linden, I was signed up for long jump, triple jump, hurdles, 400m sprint, and 100m relay. My very first event of the day was my hurdles. Basically . . . it was my most intimidating event. Oh, I have tripped and I have fallen on those hurdles many a time- but it is no less scary. Jumping right next to complete strangers in competition, a full-speed race with numerous leaps over seemingly mile-high barricades . . . let’s just say I would have been happy to call in sick. Nonetheless, the integrity I was able to scrounge up prevented me from abandoning what I had been working for.

            The gun fired, and my legs began to carry me. Sports put me in a trance, as I’m sure many people would agree with. It is as if my legs just follow the rhythm, carrying me where I need to go, but my mind is detached. Come the finish line, and I cannot remember what transpired between the start and end- it is as if I time-traveled to the end of the race, with a couple foggy memories in between.

            It was a race just like that. I was bounding over the hurdles, all sound around me was muted, my surroundings were blurred. My eyes wouldn’t blink, they could only stare at the oncoming obstacles. Somewhere in the middle of the race, the girl running beside me tripped on a hurdle. At least, I am assuming that she tripped, because all of a sudden she was sprawled across my lane- directly in my path. As I mentioned before, my mind was not functioning properly- it was in the zone. In fact, I hardly even realized what had happened. My body simply made the adjustment: I paused abruptly, stepped around her, and continued. Of course, there was no hope- the delay had cost me, and the two other girls were now far ahead. I still ran, and I still finished, and by the end, when I looked back to see a supervisor helping a bloody, crying girl off the track, I remembered.

            I had been wondering where the comforting cheers of my teammates had been- at the end of the race they are usually the loudest of the bunch. No, they had been watching in concern for the girl that had fallen. 

Instantly, once I had realized what had happened, I just wanted to rewind time. It was maybe one of the most frustrating and depressing moments I can remember, and it came on so suddenly. I wished so hard that I literally ached inside, I was wishing that I could rewind the race, and help that girl to her feet. What was wrong with me? I call myself a Christian- but that’s how I treat people in need?!

It’s been more than half a year since that happened, and I am probably the only one who remembers it. It still sometimes keeps me up at nights, and I get into a cold sweat. I start to think what could have happened. If I had just abandoned my competitive spirit and given up my chance at winning- I could have been a testimony for Christ. I could have shown all the non-Christian schools there what it means to be a Christian, but no. I didn’t. I hardly acknowledged her. I stepped around her, and finished the race.

It even brought me to tears once. I pray so often for a chance to testify for Christ. I pray a lot that, even in a Christian school, there will be a chance to stand out; to go against the flow . . . to pick up my cross. Well, there was my chance. It literally fell at my feet. 

Thinking harder about that, I notice something else. Yes, it may have been my choice to ignore the girl and keep running . . . but it was almost a subconscious decision. When I’m in the midst of a physically strenuous activity, (especially a competitive one,) things blur. I am in a dream-like state, barely noticing any feeling, any sensation at all. It terrifies me to think that my sinful nature shone through. It proved to me that, on the inside, I still haven’t let myself go completely. When faced with a decision that requires immediate response- I instinctively denied Christ. My mind wasn’t thinking, “No, Jesus, I am not going to obey you.” I don’t know what my mind was thinking at all. All I know is my automatic response was to deny my Christian life. 

I still fret quite often about this, wondering who, in the crowd, who was not a Christian, saw what I did. I almost hope that they did not think I was a Christian- because what is the point of being known as a Christian if you do not give a pleasing and accurate representation of Christ? I want my obedience to God to be so instantaneous, so . . . second-nature, that there is no need for long thought. Often, when faced with a really difficult decision, it takes a long time to figure out what to do. I want to get to a point where I am so lost in Christ, so engulfed by his will and purpose, that I just know. I just know what Jesus would do, and the second part of that equation is my response time. Do I know what Jesus would do, but still hem and haw over it? My desire is that Jesus’ decision would be my first decision. I wouldn’t want to live my life any other way than how He wants me to live it.

Watching Expelled for the third time recently, I thought about that event. I thought about why it should bother me. Why, seven months later, am I still freaking out about it? It’s really such a small, insignificant little thing- anybody could have done it. What’s the point of worrying? Technically- it was her fault. I had no obligation to help her up, she fell into my lane, therefore, she was disqualified. If I had requested, I would have been able to race again, seeing as her fall would be labeled as an interference, preventing me from doing my best. It’s her fault, not mine! See, this is man’s very first response. Even the most pronounced atheist and evolutionist, when blamed for something small, will often resort to ‘It’s not my fault!’ 

The question I am turning over in my head is . . . why is it anybody’s fault? If there is supposedly no good or bad- there really was no fault at all.

I was talking to some atheists one time, (only later did I find out that they had been high on drugs for the whole conversation,) and I tried to explain my thoughts to them. They were trying to convince me of evolution. Their arguments were not sound. At all. As is the way of many beliefs that are based off rebellion and emotions. On that respect, what are emotions? Are they a figment of our imagination? And in regards to imagination- what is it?

Someday I want to challenge a prestigious evolutionist and confront him/her with that question. Where did morals come from? Is it actually possible to explain imagination with The Big Bang? How can nothing but matter and energy create the human mind? Why do we feel? Why do we think? Why do we make judgment calls? If evolution were true, we should all be trying to kill each other. Life should be the non-stop Hunger Games, but not for entertainment’s sake. Why bother making all these entertainment devices? Isn’t entertainment just made up? Aren’t feelings just illusions? Because if there is no God, then survival of the fittest should be applicable to every species, including humans. That is obviously not the case because, when that principle was attempted to be implemented, (WWII,) it failed. It did not succeed, as evolution says it ought to. Why is there such a distinction between humans, and every other life form? Lions, bears, birds, fish, they all live for themselves, and only themselves. They all speak one language. They do not have minds that conjure up religions. They do not have imaginations to create artwork. They survive. Nothing more. 

This is why it is so silly to me for people to neglect the Bible. It really is the only thing that makes sense. It declares that humans are God’s special possessions. Humans are set apart from the wild animals, which is obvious. We have invented, and we have created. How can evolution create religion? There can only be one truth and if it is evolution, then where did all these religions and different belief systems come from? Why should anyone care? Why in the world would there be Christians dying for their faith, if humans fall into the evolutionary concept of survival of the fittest? If that were the case, there would be no martyrs, because everyone would believe that simple survival was more important than any 'belief.'

If I had a handicapped child of my own, I would definitely want to try this. I would want to go to an atheist/evolutionist for a conversation, and bring along my disabled child. Let’s say they’re two years old. Immediately after exchanging formalities, I hand over my child to the person. I proceed to ask, “Will you please dispose of that child?” I am sure they would be caught off guard. “You’re asking me to dispose of your child?” To which I would respond, “Yes, by any means that are most efficient. Shoot it in the head if you must, then we can begin our debate.” 

I am convinced that they would not follow my directions, but perhaps they would ‘catch my drift,’ as it were. They made the judgment call for themselves. They decided for themselves that no, they would not kill a handicapped child. I ask them, “Why would you hesitate to kill her? She will most likely be of minimal benefit to society, your tax dollars are going toward feeding her and those like her- it’s pointless!” Their answers would be most interesting, I do believe. It’s foolproof.

“I won’t do it because it’s wrong.” Oh? It’s wrong, you say? Who told you that? Was it perhaps, a higher moral standard? Or are you lying to yourself, because according to your theory, you should be living out survival of the fittest, and not paying attention to good vs. evil?

“But this is an innocent child, regardless of health.” Innocent? By stating that she is innocent, you are declaring that there must be some form of good/bad in people. Are you admitting that sin is real? Are you admitting that crime is evil? Because according to evolution, crime should not be punished. Crime should not even exist. Crime: murder, stealing, raping . . . it’s survival of the fittest. If you’re weak, you lose. Tough luck. 

By admitting to any of those reasons, there is no way they can, with good conscience, keep their evolutionary argument. They have simply proved themselves wrong, in my opinion. Without God, it’s anarchy. No good, no bad, everyone does what they need to survive and prosper.

            

Back to my hurdle story. It sounds harsh, but I am, in a sense, glad I didn’t stop. I believe I was wrong, but I believe that I witnessed to myself, because of that. I, without knowing, uncovered yet another heart-issue. That is the issue of my moral standard- right deep inside. It’s the good vs. bad system that I revert to automatically. Without thinking, I revealed to myself that my inner moral standard is in need of some Godly cleaning.

Because, now that we've established that God and the Bible are obviously true, it is up to us to follow. I pray that my unconscious decisions will shape up, in time . . . .

Jeremiah 17:9 ~ The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

1 John 1:9 ~ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 

His Praise Goes On

A friend of mine was talking about this the other day, and there was one thing specifically that she said that I won't ever forget.

I've written posts about hope. I've written posts about heaven. Go, and look for yourself! I wrote those a long time ago, but the full meaning of the hope we have in eternity has not yet sunk in, as my wonder and revelation from my friend's powerful words has revealed. We hear it all the time: "God, thanks for the hope you've given us through Your Son." I almost always skim over that phrase in prayer, ignoring the amazing weight it really holds.

Jesus has given us hope- that's the truth. For those of us who believe, we no longer have to fear death, darkness, evil, or sin. None of those things hold any power of us. That is our hope. We have a guarantee of heaven- an eternity filled with life in paradise. That is our hope. Hope should be something we rest on, and firmly believe will always hold us- not something we are worried will expire over time, or run out because of our actions. If God's salvation for us relied on our own works- we'd all be screwed.

Ephesians 2:8-9~

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- 

and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, 

not by works so that no one can boast.

But... what if we are not excited about that hope? The truth is, if we understood what lies in store for us as believers, our lives would be different- we would live as those who are anticipating the day when they will finally return home. Unfortunately, there is no way that our puny, finite minds could ever grasp more a sliver of the gift we have been given. I'll admit, sometimes when I think over the fact of the coming eternity, I dread it. Yes, I know we will be in paradise. Yes, I know we will be in God's presence. But somehow, the idea of never ever dying seems awfully tiresome and... hopeless. Can anyone relate? 

I feel guilty for admitting that fear, and I know that I will not feel that way once I get to heaven. But sometimes, the sheer hugeness of eternity, a hugeness that each one of us will experience, is overwhelming. It would seem that simply fading from existence would be a much more pleasant destiny.

My thinking has finally been shattered, thanks to my good friend. Think of the most amazing worship service you have ever participated in. For me, I'd have to say it was at YC Alberta, 2013- This Is Love. For three days I was overpowered by the deafening music, the tear-jerking, hand-raising worship, and the vast number of youth and leaders all gathered together as one body of believers. It was incredible. I was terribly sad to leave- I just wished every church service, every chapel, every devotion-time would be... that great. Looking back, the reason it was so intensely powerful was because I literally felt the presence of God. With at least twelve-thousand people all singing the same words of praise, "Let it be known: that our God saves! Our God reigns! We lift you up! Let it be known: that Love has come! Love has WON! We lift you up!" It never got old. I can't count the number of times we sang that chorus, but it was like with every repeated word, I cried harder, I lifted my hands higher, and I praised louder. The Truth of what God has done for me came crashing down like a tidal wave, and I just wished I could stand there and sing forever. I didn't want to go back to my hometown. I didn't want to go back to school. I didn't want things to return to normal- I wanted to experience that moment for eternity.

Hmmm.... something's clicking.

I said that the reason those moments were so powerful, was because I felt like I was in the presence of God, singing for Him personally. I loved it. I didn't ever want to leave. So think about it just for a moment- think about that 'aha!' moment in worship or in prayer or in discussion or in devotions, where you felt the Holy Spirit coursing through your veins, and the revelation that God was giving you was enough to make you burst. Think of the incredible love you felt. Think of the joy that flooded you, and the encouraging strength that motivated you to become who God has created you to be. That moment, whether you have had one or many- that moment is something we all crave. It is better and more fulfilling than any worldly desire could ever give. We are blinded to the fact that we need God so badly, and even after those moments, we forget how truly fulfilling they were, and we look for the same fulfillment in money, items, status, relationships, and other unsatisfying things. 

But those moments of perfect worship, where I feel like I am singled out- the only person in a giant ballroom in front of the Holiest King of Kings, those moments where every worry, stress, failure, mistake, and judging pair of eyes around me simply melts away... it is the most intense pleasure I have and will experience. I was shaking, I was crying, I was simply covered in goosebumps, and I couldn't stop smiling. The presence of God. I can hardly put my thoughts into words.

Being in the presence of God is the proof that our Christian struggles are not being fought in vain. Being in the presence of God is proof against every critic and against every persecutor that we stand for something greater than any punishment and any amount of human scorn. Being in the presence of God is the best, and that is not said flippantly, in any way. And thinking of how amazing those few, precious moments were to me, I just wish I could be transported back to that place and back to that moment and relive it again. 

The sad thing about those moments is... they end. Routine life kicks back in, and it is more of a downer than ever. After being in the presence of the Lord of Lords, regular every-day life just seems so pointless. It's depressing, and numbing. Which is why, the realization that heaven will be a continual worship session just blew my mind!

That very moment, standing at YC with my arms to the sky and my sobs louder than my words and the love of God simply engulfing my small being, I will get to relive that- and it won't EVER end! It will simply grow and grow and grow, and be the absolute best thing ever. Not only will I be shouting and screaming along with the full body of believers, but also with the angels! There will be nothing to hold me back from simply throwing every little bit of my into worship. Everything on earth that holds me back from dancing down the aisles, from screaming with joy, from kneeling, from raising my hands- those will vanish. I will be FREE FROM FEAR

When I was little, I thought heaven would be free roller-coaster rides, all-you-can-eat-buffets, no going to bed, friendly lions and tigers, flying through clouds... and maybe it will be. But, if it isn't, I won't care one bit. I will be in the presence of God, and it will be a zillion times better than the most intense worship service that I'll ever experience on earth. 

And it will never end.

1 Peter 1:9~

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, 

a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of 

Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.