The Charming Forbiddance

This post is coming straight from the fingers of one gal who has just embarked on the last lag of this triathlon. Elementary, a slow and painful start, is over. Junior High whizzed by easily. And now. Now, 'tis the Beginning of the End. . . . . . . . . . High School.

With High School comes a lot new things. New ideas, new ways of thinking, new responsibilities . . . and new temptations. It's scary stuff.

When we hear about temptation, we automatically recoil. Just the word, 'temptation,' we associate with evil. Sin. Darkness. Traps. Maybe we recall those incidents when we were tempted and gave in. Maybe we elevate ourselves to the point where we think we are above temptation, and that the lusts and sinful desires of this world no longer have any effect on us.

No one can honestly say that they are without sin. To say so would be a lie, and a lie is a sin. But really, every time we sin, it is because we were tempted to sin. Temptation is often perceived as a long gruelling argument with yourself. "Oh, but I want to!" "Oh, but I shouldn't..." "Oh but it wouldn't hurt!" "But... it isn't right..." Uh-uh. Usually, the more time we have to think about it, the more likely we are to avoid the temptation. Not always, but usually.

Often, when we are tempted to sin, it's a split-second decision. We are such sinful people that now, it sometimes passes by unnoticed. The temptation that was once a long, one-on-one conviction conversation with your conscience has become second nature. Well actually, it is our first nature. We, humans, are born with a sinful nature.

1 Corinthians 11:13 ~

The temptations in your life are no different than what others

experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more

than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way

out so that you can endure.

Wow. That makes me feel silly. There is always a way out of temptation. I sicken myself. Sometimes, I'll be tempted to say something or do something that I know is wrong, but I want so badly to do it that I just convince myself it's okay just this once. I rationalize the situation and pretend that it's all right. I kind of try to persuade myself into thinking it's the only option, anyways. Well, that book that I claim to base my life on declares otherwise. There is ALWAYS a way out. We are never forced to sin. Ever.

Imagine you're biking. Perhaps on a dirt/gravel path. You have to keep your eyes on the road to make sure you don't spin and fall. I'm sure it's happened to you- it's happened to me a number of times before. Rock at twelve o'clock. It's dead ahead. A large obstacle- maybe a big round stone. Too big to go over comfortably and safely on your sidewalk-loving bicycle. It's not too wide, easily avoidable. All you have to do is turn the handlebars and manoeuvre around it. But you just can't take your eyes off that huge stone. You really think you're turning. You think you'll miss it, but your hands discretely steer directly to where you're staring, which is the stone. And then, it is upon you so fast that there's no time to think. Either you jolt over it painfully or slip to the side and skin your knee as you fall. Either way, you know full well it could've been avoided, had you averted your gaze to the clear path. Do you see what I'm getting at, here?

In the moment, sin seems alluring. Attractive. Fun. They don't call it temptation for nothing. It's called temptation because it looks good to the eye. Sin doesn't at first look unfriendly and dangerous, it looks pleasant. That's why we fall for it. Does anybody really wake up and search for all the sin they can? Of course not. Most people just do what's right in their own eyes, which, though ignorant to the fact- it is sin.

Proverbs 21:2 ~

Every man's way is right in his own eyes,

But the LORD weighs the hearts.

God always gives a way out of sin, but it is the simple task of turning our gaze from the deception, and focusing on the Deliverer. Same scenario as above. I don't know if you've tested it before, but it does work! It's the strangest thing. Our hands automatically turn the handlebars to where our eyes are looking. If you look straight at the stone you are trying to avoid, you will run into it, or come terrifyingly close. But, if you avert your gaze a couple inches to the right or left, a clear passageway, you breeze through, unscathed! 

So, what are we looking at that is causing us to stumble? What are we listening to that is causing sinful thoughts? Who are we following, being led to the darkness. I know it doesn't look wrong. Even if, in our hearts know that it's wrong, our mind tells us, "Hold on a second. That actually looks good to try." Therefore, our mind's eye is set upon the temptation. The longer we look at it, the more appealing it may become. Satan is the Father of Lies, and he's good at deceiving. But he doesn't always catch the prey. He can never totally trap anybody into sinning. His attempts at ensnaring us with cages of temptation always have a gaping hole, put there by God. If we could only take our eyes away from that which will harm us, and look toward Him who will deliver us, we are freed!

Like I said earlier, however, there are some sins that we have become immune towards. Those certain sins are different for every person. They are now a habit, and the temptation is still there, it is still avoidable, but every time we give in, our danger-detection mechanism gets duller. (Basically, we become deafer and deafer to what the Holy Spirit is nudging us to do or not do.) Catch yourself. Make it right. If you don't even notice the huge stone infront of your bike, how are you going to come through unhurt? 

Time to open our eyes again and look around. God is waiting there, ready to catch us, but we can't fall into His arms if we don't see Him. Tear your eyes and ears and mouth away from the upcoming danger and discover the perfect, clear pathway right there for you: Jesus!

I want to begin to restore my innocence this year. It's so hard. For me, my problem is... I want to know things. I crave knowledge. Sometimes that's good, but in this world, that can be bad. I'm curious as to what people are talking about. And the thing is, once I find out, I regret it. I was better off not knowing. This world is so vile and evil and filled with sinful things, why do we need to know? Ignorance is bliss. Though some mistake it for stupidity, it's not. It's a better way of living, I would think. 

Whatever stone is becoming more and more invisible to you, quickly wake up before you stumble over it yet again! Paint it with bright neon colours if you have to, and rip your eyes away from it. It's the only way to avoid it. As Christians, we should hate sin. God hates sin. He can't have it in His presence. We say that we love Him and want to be like Him. Yes, the forbidden is exceptionally desirable sometimes. But what do you treasure more? The way of the world, or the way of God?

And yet, we are excusing and frolicking in the very thing that He kicked out of heaven for eternity.

Raindrops

I don't understand why some people suffer while others prosper. I don't understand why God would let the innocent die so unfairly. Why are God-fearing people abused? Black holes confuse me. What is life, really? How do souls work? I just don't get it . . . . Which is exactly the way things should be.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts . . ."

so... the thought of starving children in Africa seems cruel and unfair to us, but those are simply our thoughts. God's thoughts are completely different- He sees the bigger picture.

". . . and my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine!"

Sometimes we catch glimpses. Awesome works, commonly known as 'coincidences,' but are really miracles. Tiny snippets of the way He works, and even that just boggles our mind. His ways are definitely beyond anything we can ever imagine.

"For just as the heavens are high than the earth, so my ways are high than your ways, 

and my  thoughts higher than your thoughts."

He is omniscient. He knows all. He understands all. It's like His realm of thinking is fathoms above our meagre thought bubbles. "But just as the heavens are above the earth . . . ." Okay. Let's illustrate that.

God's realm of thought is the sky. The clouds. The atmosphere. We, on earth, represent... ourselves. Our petty contemplations and ideas wandering blindly about. God's giant aptitude covers the earth completely, and sees everything. Nothing is hidden from His cloud- His realm of thought. 

Once in a while, God lets a rain drop fall from a cloud circling His massive spectrum of intelligence. Perfectly timed, it falls into our realm. Hits us on the noggin. Those are the special times where God 'waters His garden.' He gives revelations to those He chooses- He loves on them with a sneak peek of His wisdom and knowledge. We get so excited over this tiny fragment of idea- barely a discovery. But God sends these raindrops to the very people who need them. These people God has planted there can take these raindrops, and grow them into an ocean.

My blogposts are all raindrops, I think. God sees me hunting for Him in the Bible, and so, just as water washes away dust, it was like a raindrop fell from heaven and cleared my vision. That's what makes a certain verse that I've read a thousand times before, suddenly jump out at me. I understand it. I rejoice over it! I am comforted by the rain from heaven.

God wants us to take those raindrops and put them to good use. For me, I guess, that's writing them out. In my journal or on my blog- it's a way for me to think through what God's showing me, and share it with people. For others, it may be getting together with a group of friends and chatting about it. For some, it may be righting a wrong. Reaching out to someone they've never reached out to before. Forgiving someone. Preparing a sermon. Preparing a bible study. 

We are all different parts of the Body of Christ, we all have a different gift. Our God-given gifts are what we use to convert those special revelation-raindrops into everyday practice. 

Coming out of our cloud/raindrop illustration... the truth of the matter is those raindrops are pounding from within us. Those of us who have the Holy Spirit of Christ dwelling within us, He loves to give good gifts to His children. And what better gift than God's wisdom?

Proverbs 3:14-24

Wisdom is worth more than silver; it brings more profit than gold.

Well, there ya have it. One of the most valuable gifts is ready to be bestowed upon you. If you begin searching for it through God's word and through prayer, the rain is waiting to fall.

Time to end the drought! 

 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you could want is equal to it.

At Ease, Soldiers

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

--Corrie Ten Boom

A Follow-up on that last post... "Fear-a-phobia,"

I was reading in Isaiah. I love how, when you set your mind to spending time with God and seeking Him through His word, he lets you discover different things each time. It's like He wraps up a passage in a gift and ministers to you through that comfort.

Isaiah 52:12b ~

The Lord will go ahead of you;

Yes, the God of Israel will protect you from behind.

It almost seems like an oxymoron. It doesn't say 'and,' it just emphasizes the first statement with an opposite one. But, He is omnipresent. He will do both at once.

It's such a comforting picture. Going in a dark alley, the Lord goes and scouts up ahead, while at the same time He guards the back, so you aren't attacked by surprise. You don't have to worry about the dark corners, nor what's awaiting you up ahead, nor what's going on behind you. All you have to do is focus on keeping your footing- staying concentrated on your current spot. You trust His guidance up ahead, and you don't need to risk a check over your shoulder. You know that you're safe, and that it's not up to you to face what's up ahead- at least, not alone. The fears behind you are simply that. Behind you. They cannot torment you anymore, because God's got your back, He will keep you safe.

That's a beautiful thought, and it's true. That metaphorical picture is very assuring. However, when I first read that verse, my mind was directed to another meaning. A much more practical one. 

He will go ahead of you in life. He sees every laugh, tear, trouble, and lesson that you are walking towards. He knows you will make it through, because He is with you. You can't see the future, but He has gone ahead and will lead you where you need to go.

At the same time, He picks up the trail of where you just were. We are impoerfect people, so we will undoubtedly leave that trail a mess. We try to fix things up, but we do keep moving forward. Satan sees the mess we've made of our lives, so he tries to haunt us. "Did you really do all of that? You are a terrible person. God surely doesn't want to be your Savior after He saw that catastrophe!"

But thankfully, God protects us from behind. He sees what we've done, but He sticks with us, and wants to protect us from the devil's lies. I love that whole picture. Our past doesn't have to maim us. All we have to do is take things one day at a time.

I can be such a worrier. Even today, if you ask some of my friends whom I was ranting at about all my troubles and hopes and dreams, you'll find that I am very quick to see the problems in my life. Something is cancelled that I was looking forward to. Something difficult in the near future is looming ahead of me, and I fear to face it. Growing up is upon me, and I feel unprepared. I worry that I will not make it in life- that I am wasting my time doing pointless activities when I should be working towards building my future, bright and beautiful.

But see, all that stressing is completely pointless. God's already been there! He's already seen my future, and I'm sure that when He sees me biting my nails over what is to come of me, He must chuckle to Himself thinking, "Doesn't she realize that I work all things together for the good of those who love Me? Why is she worrying?!" But it's so true! I think my mind has known for a long time that God has planned my future, seen my future, knows my future, and will by my Guide through it all. Worrying over what is planned perfectly- so futile. Everything is going to be okay.

I worry about the past. "Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that to her the other day." "Great. Now they're going to think this about me." "Why, oh why was I not paying attention to the time?" "Man, I am SO embarrassed . . . ." 

How senseless. It's over. It's done. I've learned my lesson, and hopefully made it right. When I say not to worry about the past, I don't mean that you simply ignore every mistake you make. No. 

It's like your first time driving, maybe. Say you knock over a garbage can. You don't just keep driving and say, "Well, I've learned my lesson!" and then keep driving. You know better. If you knock something over you need to pull over, get out, and set it back up again. You make right what went wrong. You fix your mistake. But if you dented the garbage can, or if you actually broke something, it's harder to erase from your mind. Something so simple as knocking over the garbage, if someone saw, can wedge itself in your mind and you will feel an annoying sense of embarrassment over something that happened a week ago. Even if you picked it up, made it right, you still remember. It's the same in life.

We mess up. We sin. We hurt others. But we do our best to clean up after ourselves. I don't know about you, but when I do something really wrong, I can't sleep for days and days afterward. Doesn't matter how many times I apologized. It doesn't matter how many times I was forgiven, either. I still stress over what I did. 

That's why God is protecting us from behind. After we've done all that we can to make it right, it's time to leave it up to the ultimate healer. He will protect us from the guilt that tugs, the devil that reminds us constantly, and will restore us. The lesson, we'll keep. The pain, He takes away. 

So if He is watching our future, keeping track of every person and situation hurtling towards us and prepping us for it, why worry? He has it under control! And if He's guarding us from behind, taking care of everything, why stress over the past? Hakuna Matata! Have no fear, all you have to do is follow! He's preparing your path exactly how He wants it, exactly the way that will be best for you. So as long as you stick close to Him and follow where He guides you, you have NOTHING to fear. 

Worrying over the future is unnecessary. What's going to happen will happen, whether you worry or not! Wasting energy by worrying is silly- because worrying doesn't add a day to your life. It doesn't do a single good thing for you. It's as redundant as pushing on a pull door.

Worrying over the past is pointless. It's like crying over spilled milk. It doesn't fix the past. It doesn't change what happened, it just adds gray hairs to your head.

The Lord will go ahead of you; yes, the God of Israel will protect you from behind.

Your future? He has it covered. The past? Taken care of.

We're surrounded.

"Fear-a-phobia"

Fear is so unfounded if you think about it. Completely irrational. Pointless. Harmless. At least, it is if you are grounded in Jesus.

I must confess that I am afraid of a number of fears. I, Karis Rashleigh, am the unfortunate beholder of the following "conditions":

Lilapsophobia (Fear of Tornadoes),  
Arachnophobia (Fear of spiders),
Tephephobia (Fear of being buried alive.... *shudder*),  
Aquaphobia (no, that does not mean I am afraid to swim, it means I am afraid to drown.),  
Galeophobia (Fear of sharks), 
Acrophobia (Fear of Heights), 
Globophobia (Fear of Balloons),
Androphobia (The fear of men. Don't laugh, I'm serious)
Gerascophobia (The fear of growing up/aging) . . . . And at least a dozen more.

The other day I was rather distressed while pondering my many fears. I researched them, read up on them, frightened myself even further, and then psyched myself out for the remainder of the day. I was so geared up that I had to force myself to leave the house and engage in some physically strenuous activity, just to take my thoughts off these upsetting wonderings.

When I returned, the fears came back. Not as vivid, no, but they were there. I was home alone, and the silence persuaded me to dwell upon my qualms. I worried myself to such an extent, that I awoke at least six times in the night, my neck and forehead slick with cold sweat.

I knew that this was a very unhealthy way to live. I knew that I was beating myself up about nothing. I knew that there was nothing to fear- that God was with me. I knew. That doesn't mean I believed.

I had gone to bed completely exhausted and after some consideration, decided to skip a night of my daily devotions. Wrong choice, as I later recognized. I tossed and turned, very disturbed. My mind simply wouldn't quiet down. It kept shouting at me all the different possibilities. "Imagine if, when you awake, you find you are in a coffin, buried alive?" . . . . "What if when you go swimming, the waterslide falls and you get trapped beneath it?" . . . . "Oh, it will be so miserable and depressing one day if you live to be a very old woman. Especially if you are too weak to walk or talk, and have to spend the rest of your days alone in a nursing home . . . ."

It was four o'clock in the morning when I finally sat bolt upright in bed, flicked on my lamp, and pulled out my bible. My sleep would be troubled no longer. In my daze I turned to the first logical place to soothe my anxieties- Psalms.

It struck me for the first time, how amazing the sheer number of promises there are listed in God's word! If you read through the Psalms, over and over His promises are recorded. There seems to be at least one for every problem we face.

Psalm 13:5-6 ~ But I will trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me.

Apparently, I can trust in His love! And the fact that it is unfailing, means it won't ever fail. It won't be beaten by my fears- it will conquer them!


Psalm 18 is such a perfect passage- thanks, Lord, for causing me to stumble upon it when I needed it the most. Some of my favourite lines:

2. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.

So... not only does He protect me and save me, but He literally IS my place of safety. All I need to do is run to Him, and I find shelter!

28. You light a lamp for me.

The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness.

He IS my light. If He is with me, (which He always is, no matter what it feels like,) then the darkness is laid bare, and everything is illuminated! What's to fear?

29. In your strength I can crush an army;

with my God I can scale any wall!

If I had to face my fears on my own, I would most definitely crumble. I would simply melt in sheer agony- terrified beyond repair. But I have the God of Angel Armies on my side, so there is nothing to fear! I can do ALL THINGS through Him who gives me strength!

Psalm 45:11 ~ The Lord of Heaven's Armies is here among us;

the God of Israel is our fortress.

He is my refuge! He is my strength! Of whom shall I fear? The bible is chock-full of God's promises to us, and we can fully rely on them, for we KNOW they are true:

Psalm 18:30 ~ God's way is perfect.

All the Lord's promises PROVE to be true.

He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection.

 It makes sense, eh? If we look to ourselves for safety and refuge, if, instead of running to God, we run to man, or some other way to blot out the fear, then we are not letting our selves be truly protected by God.

It doesn't matter whether you really have a classified phobia, or if you're simply stressed over something significant in your life. A job interview. A school exam. Your Driver's test. A date. Your family's relationship. Something you said that you now regret. Something you wish you could've said. A lie. 

Whatever is pushing you down, it is certainly not as strong as the One that wants to pull you up.

So let Him.

I would have tossed and turned for the rest of the night if God hadn't nudged me enough to lean over, turn on the lamp, and read God's comforts for myself. I allowed myself to be swallowed up in the resounding truth of all these passages. Over and over I read of how His unfailing love is lavished on us. I read how He is a shelter to those who love Him. In Him I can take refuge. 

When the lamp went out again that night, It wasn't a black, suffocating, frightening darkness that enveloped me, it was instead the radiant force-field of celestial light that engulfed my sleeping form. It was protection illuminated- the Lord' angels that protect me from harm. It drove the darkness away, even from the deepest, lonelinest corners and crannies. It penetrated everything, it filled all.

Maybe that comforting light of God's promise hasn't reached the darkness in your life yet. Crack open the bible. Get into the word. 

You know, if you turn on the light in your room and open the door out into an even darker one, you'll notice that the darkness never enters the lit room. No matter how little the light is compared to the blackness, the light will always dominate. It will always conquer the dark. The darkness flees the moment the light turns on. It is even truer with God.

Dive into what He has in store for you. No matter what you may be thinking, it's certainly not fear that He wants for your life.

2 Timothy 1:7 says it all:       For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of self-control.

See that? Our spirits should not have fear dwelling within them. No wonder fear feels so awful! God can rid you of it in the blink of an eye, but only if you actually run to Him for protection, and away from human attempts.

So what's the point of being afraid if you have God for protection? It's as foolish as a small child being frightened of the bogeyman under the bed. No matter how much they cry and scream, you know that there's no reason. They don't understand it yet- but they will. And you will. 

Your fear is completely irrational. It's unfounded. No matter how big and menacing your fear seems to be, no matter how threatening and huge it lurks behind you- there's no point in being afraid, because it will never win. It will never conquer you, because you are rooted in the One that chases all fear away- He promises that.

Keyword: Serve

So... there's this kid. She looks up to me. She follows me around. She always wants me to play with her. I'm sure you have some little child like that in your life- maybe they're not even a child. I can name quite a few. See, that's good and cute and all, but I don't want to play. I want to be alone. I'm feeling annoyed. Sound familiar yet? It should.

Maybe it's just because I'm not exactly a kid person. No way would I ever get a job as an elementary teacher- I would be banging their heads against the table before the end of the day screaming "Why don't you understand this???" Yeah... I think I'll stick to the teenager-age.

I snuck out of the house real quiet-like to avoid playtime. I'm kind of embarrassed to share that little bit of grumpiness inside of me. Again, it was my and my dog and God. Out to the walking path once more to ponder life.

I started thinking about missionary families that I knew. People leaving, people returning, people gone. I miss them, but I also envy them. How I long to be out there on the mission field! I've expressed my agitation many times before, but I began to feel it again. I reminded myself that God provided Blogger- a way to share my thoughts and revelations from right here in my own home. It's comforting, knowing that I can still be a blessing to people even though I'm young.

So, thinking about my blog, I started to pray. "God, I want to make a difference in the world. Please, please let this blog reach the screens that it needs to. I want it to go to millions! Lord, please, I want to be able to share you with the world and evangelize to the nations!"

Wow. Big dreams, Karis. To millions, eh? To the world, hm? Sounds great- but now that's a million minus one. You just walked out on that little girl back there . . . .

Okay. Brushing that off, back to my ponderings: The world is a big place. How will I manage to make an impact on so great a place? Maybe I should learn a couple new languages. Maybe I should investigate the possibility of Teen Missions. Maybe I should explore different bible colleges and mission opportunities going internationally. Yeah, that sounds good. I need to find a place that grabs my heart- a place where God wants me to go. I sure hope He makes that clear- money doesn't grow on trees!

Karis. Have you considered that God may want you to go back home and show love to that little girl? Forget about the international mission field for just a moment a recognize the one right inside your own door!

Okay... those were some uncomfortable thoughts. Let's forget about that, and move on. Let's see... how do others get noticed? Oh yeah- they write books! Then, people ask them to speak at seminars and conferences and whatnot. Great idea! I need to write a book and get it published. Kay. I hope God strikes me with some Divine Inspiration to make this book fly....

Why don't you read a book to that girl? I want her to see Me through you- but she can't if you're walking out and about.

La-dee-da... where were we? Oh yes. Books. But you know... I really don't know if I have that kind of discipline yet. Well, sure need to learn my Scripture so that I can remember helpful passages in times of indecision like this! Well, what about Jesus! He sure got a lot of publicity! How did He do it? Well, I guess He did lots of miracles- but I don't expect to be healing any lepers any time soon, everyone's good here in town as far as I know. But what was the root of His miracles? What was He really doing- something that I can follow? I guess He was... serving. Yeah, He served! Of course!

How can I expect to preach to millions if I neglect serving the people right around me? Shouldn't it start HERE, before it starts going out THERE? Yes, I do think that sounds logical. What was that bible passage about serving . . . ?

Luke 22:24-27 ~ In this world, the kings and queens and great men lord over their people, yet they are called 'friends of the people.' But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. Who is more important? The one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course! But not here! For I am among you as one who serves.

W-w-w-wait. Jesus? The King of Kings... He sure got his message out clearly. And it wasn't by blogging. It wasn't even by travelling throughout the world. It was by... serving. He is definitely the greatest, but He is the servant. And two thousand and thirteen years later, His teachings and His stories are still told and discussed worldwide! His servant spirit was so radical and warped compared to the way we humans like to live, that it made headlines! People noticed!

He didn't have to worry about writing a book to gain publicity, He didn't have to worry about putting His name out there to publishers, He simply served!!! He just served, and yet the whole world saw. He wasn't worried about standing up to millions and getting them to listen to His message, He just served. The people came on their own. Even now, so many years later, his foreign way of living hasn't lost its publicity. Maybe THAT'S how I should go about evangelizing....

Yes, Karis. Yes. So how about you go and do something about it?

Okay, okay. I get it. But... maybe I should just... take some time to get it through my head some more.

*     *     *

Just a minute! Okay, I'll start walking back. But I'm finally starting to get it! It's kind of like that other verse- Matthew 16:24-25. 

Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Cool. So that's how I can start evangelizing! It all makes sense! All I have to do is deny... my... self. Oh. *Sigh* Right. I forgot. Taking up my cross is easier said than done... when the time actually comes- I am very reluctant. But I guess it's what a servant would and should do.

That's right. That's what your calling was this whole time. That was your call to missions- not somewhere way down the line, not years after you've graduated, right now you had your chance.

 *     *     *

  When I got home, the girl was gone. I missed out on a golden opportunity to share God's love. I always tell myself that it's my dream to spread God's love- but when that means doing something I don't want to do... I kind of lose sight of that dream. But really. In a time and place where the hardest thing to do is playing with a lonely child, it should be pretty easy to serve. I have it good. And I know that if I can't serve here, I don't have a hope of doing anything worthwhile later in life. 

Time to break my old habits, and make some new ones. 

Keyword: Serve.

Speak Up.

The other day I went on a walk with God, and my puppy. I just had so much energy to get rid of and felt so trapped being inside for so long, so I threw on Nichi's leash, and bolted outside to the clean, fresh summer air. We ran all down the block and onto the walking path that borders the wheat field, then stopped to catch our breath.

We paused, and took in the sight of the vast prairies, bathed in the twilight glow. The sunset was washed in purple and pink hues, rays of light streaming out over the fields, and splashing the clouds with gold. The soft beige wheat swayed to and fro, dancing reflectively with every breath of summer breeze. The temperature was indistinguishably lovely- like soft, creamy foam lathering over my body. Everything was perfect.

The beauty of it all overwhelmed me, so I just started thanking God for it. For everything. For every little thing I could name that I saw, and that I felt, and that I heard, I thanked God. So, we got to talking. So many topics flew through our conversation, and my heart burned the whole time with every new revelation He gave me.

As we walked along and chatted, a stranger biked past me. I immediately hushed, for I had been praying out loud. And as he pedaled away, I felt a pang of regret. I apologized to God. Who cares if that man heard me praying? What would he have done? What could he have done? Why does it matter if I'm caught deep in conversation with my God?

Why Should I fear man, when you made the heavens? 

Why should I be afraid when you put the stars in place?

It's like friendship. If I was talking with a friend, just goofing off and having a great time, would I suddenly quiet down if someone else passed? Would I nudge them to zip it so that no one else could hear? Of course not! First off, that's downright rude. Second of all, being a friend with someone means you aren't ashamed to be friends with them! You love each other and care for each other, why does it matter if the world can see that?

In fact, isn't that the point of Christianity? To let our life songs sing louder than the songs in church? So that people walking by will know we are Christians by the way we live and talk? So, if that man heard me praying, maybe he would think, "Okay, that's weird." But maybe He would think, "Wow. That Christianese stuff really does extend beyond the church walls." Maybe he was a Christian himself, and it would've been an encouragement to him. 

But if he didn't hear me talking to God as I walked down the path with my dog, he probably wouldn't have held any of those thoughts. In fact, I would simply be another stranger enjoying the evening.

It's even on the top of my page! Romans 1:16! For I am NOT ASHAMED of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes!

I made it my blog's theme verse. I had originally hoped that it would carry over and shape my lifestyle, too. The way I reacted on my walk showed me that I am still ashamed. I am still embarrassed. I am still afraid of the judgment of man. And that's wrong.

We call Him our best friend. He is our Saviour. Our Creator. Our Father. How can we be ashamed of someone so mighty, so big, and so powerful? And yet, every time we turn away from Him and shun Him, He still loves us the same. That's something precious about God that human beings don't often portray. He isn't angry, but He's hurt. Yet, He will still stand by our side, waiting for us to come back and acknowledge Him, and spend time with Him. 

We shouldn't be hiding Christ, we should be boasting in Him! 

Galatians 6:14 ~ May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

After all He's done for us and promised us, the least obvious thing to be is embarrassed. It's so foolish! "Wow... He saved my life. I don't have to go to hell even though I'm a sinner, and He's going to spend the rest of my life with me.... that's embarrassing......" No! We just don't say that! But... sometimes, we act like we think that. Time to make a change.

My goal is to bring at least one soul away from the yawning gates of hell, and introduce them to the salvation that Jesus offers. I want to evangelize! to be out on the mission field, teaching the Good news! But that dream of mine won't sprout wings and fly any time soon if I'm too scared to actually live out what I believe.

I looked out again to the beauty of the fields and the coming night, and took a deep breath of pure, sweet air. The God who made all this is here. He's as real as that man who passed by on the bike. He must feel so hurt every time I pretend I wasn't talking to Him when another human might be watching. When, in reality, when others are watching- that's when we should be louder than ever! 

We're here to share Jesus! 

. . . . And that's kinda impossible to do in secret.

Sounds heavenly....

My sweet little Grandma went to heaven today. She is with the Lord.

But, what does that mean? She is with the Lord? It's a phrase we always use when a Christian brother or sister dies. Do we realize the depth of that statement? She, we believe, is finally meeting, face to face, the One whom she's put her trust in for the past 70+ years!

Isaiah 25:8-12 ~      He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.  In that day they will say, "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation."

So often we are angry because we cannot feel God near us, and we are frustrated that we must put our faith in that which we cannot see. We think, wouldn't it be great if God could just... maybe... appear, right in front of me, for just a couple seconds- just long enough that I would KNOW that He is real, and He is with me.

My dear grandmother is experiencing that right now, I believe! The tears are being wiped from her face, all her disgrace is permanently removed, and the glory that is being revealed to her is drowning out the memory of all her past troubles and sufferings! (Romans 8:18) Her blind eyes are open! This woman who hasn't been able to see for four whole years, she can see now! And it warms me to think that after such a long time of utter darkness, the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes for the first time... was Jesus' face. Wow. Wouldn't that be spectacular?

Her legs, that have not walked or even stood in four whole years, are now walking and running and leaping! I'll bet she's having the time of her life! That's right- I said life.

Her faith is proven today. She is with the One whom she had faith in, and what a reward in itself! To know, finally, that all your work was not wasted? It all counted! And she's discovering that today! Her old and frail body has been transformed! She is light and limber as she was as a youth- and better! She has the rest of eternity to spend in this glorious place that God's been preparing for her.

She's been waiting patiently in a bed, hardly moving, for four years. Though it seemed dreary and I hated to see her like that, I think it was worth it. Though it must have been hard, she doesn't remember! The riches and glories of her Father's home vastly overwhelm the petty pains and annoyances in her life before. She doesn't regret one second of her four years of silence. It wasn't a waste of time- because now, she's in eternity. And it will never run out.

What a surprise my Grandma must've had! She closed her weary eyelids for the night, and BAM! Next stop, heaven. Her excitement was probably uncontainable. Finally! Out of that old, unmovable, blind, weak body, and into the new world! Paradise! And she never has to leave!

She's probably found her daughter by now- my Auntie Brenda. Oh, they were so close when they were both alive on earth, and how my Grandma missed her dear daughter! I can just imagine them seeing each other from far away, there were probably so many tears of joy. It's been so long, but they are together again! Mother and daughter, separated by the thin hair of life.

I wonder if she's met Moses! Or Abraham... Joseph... Jonah... Queen Esther... Peter? Just stop and think about how incredible that will be! "Moses! I read all your stories in the Bible!" She will finally find out what exactly they looked like, and maybe get to hear first-hand accounts from them! Neat!!

Earlier today, soon after I received the news of her passing I thought to myself, "She's my first grandparent to die." It wasn't precisely a comforting thought. Until, I realized that I worded that completely wrong. How about: "My Grandma Rashleigh was the first Grandparent to heaven! She beat the other three!" Not that it's a competition or anything, but really- this is cause for celebration!!!

I know this may seem like a slightly different type of blog post, but I just needed to clear my mind by writing out my thoughts. This day has been just chock-full of... thinking. And I realized that, though I was sad, the more I thought about heaven and where she is now, the more I felt joy! And now as I sit here, I can say with zero guilt, that I am happy. No trace of sadness.

Yes, when people die, we miss them. That's why we grieve. If that person was unsaved, we grieve harder, and it's a time of despair. But when a Christian dies, let's party! They beat us to heaven and are having a blast! I realized that when we cry and grieve for those who are gone... who are we really grieving for? Us. Ourselves. Those left behind. We're thinking about how much we'll miss them. Are we thinking about them? If we were thinking about them completely, with 100% SELFLESS love, we would be dancing with joy. They TRULY are in a better place, and I don't say that flippantly as I have before.

Why grieve for her? She's sure not sad! In fact, she wouldn't come back to earth for a million trillion dollars! She's home now, and nothing could ever entice her to come back. Her long and tiring journey is finally over and waiting at the finish line was the most amazing prize she could have ever imagined- perfection.

I have grieved and will still mourn, I'm sure. But there's really no reason. I will miss her, but this isn't even good-bye! It's as simple as saying "See you soon!" to a friend as they leave for their summer vacation. You don't mourn. You may ache because they're gone out of your sight for now, but you know you will see them again. And this is even better! There's no need to cry! When I get to heaven, I'll be with my Grandma, my Auntie, and everyone else who is my family in Christ, and I'll be with them for eternity!

And once I've gotten there, I won't remember the sorrow that dwelt within me while I was on earth, oh no. That will be ancient history.

The Sovereign Lord Himself will wipe our tears from our eyes.

Sounds heavenly, if you ask me. =)

Modern Day Miracles

Lesson # 2 from Guatemala answered this question: What impacted you the most?

Wow. For starters, it took some thought to pinpoint what impacted me the most. I could make a list! I had to focus in on one particular story, and it really brought me forward in my faith. I wrote a bit about it in my journal, that you can read under 'Guatemala Diaries.' I don't think I'll copy out my notebook answer. Instead, I will start from the beginning and retell the story that Les told our group. I may not get it perfect- the facts could be skewed, but bear with me. I think it'll be worth it. Story time!!!

The man, his name was Edgar, I believed. He had worked his way up through the Impact Ministries Schools, and for a while had been pastoring a church right there around Tactic. Fun fact- he actually had been the sponsor child of someone closely connected with our team! I think I remember Les telling us that he now is the pastor of something like 600 people! (Don't hold me to that, my memory may be failing.)

The point is, he was really pouring himself out in service to the people at Impact Ministries, to the people of Tactic, and to the people of his church. He worked so hard at what he did, but in his heart, his dream was to be an Agricultural Engineer. He felt it was somehow what God wanted him to do. He went to university and got a degree, but that ate up nearly all of his money. He didn't earn very much being a pastor, and after being married and having a couple of kids, they decided, after much deliberation, that it was time to leave Tactic. He needed to go somewhere and get a job that would actually use his skills in Agricultural Engineering.

Everyone was sad to hear that Edgar was leaving. He had lived in Tactic all his life- it was his home! But there was nothing left that would help him sustain himself and his family, he had hardly any money.

*Pause* This will all come together in the end, but I will now skip forward a bit, and come at this story from a new angle... an angle that I got to be a part of.

It was early in the morning and the lazy Canadian dancers moped out of bed. Confused for a second, they took in their surroundings. Hot, humid air... old-fashioned, solid architecture... at least three other people in the room with them? Right! This was Guatemala City. Bags were shoved closed, jittery stomachs were settled with a quick breakfast, and the team was ready to hit the road.

They were heading for Tactic today! There was a tedious five-hour drive awaiting them, a non-stop twisty turvy roller coaster, but the pre-teens, teenagers, and parents felt strength and anticipation.

Piled in the doorway, the Guatemala team awaited instructions for filling up the 'Impacto Ministerios' cars with luggage. Before the orders were given, three unfamiliar men were introduced to the Canadians. The leaders informed the team that these men were from Holland, of all places! They were on their way to Impact Ministries as well, and were going there to build a Greenhouse! Nodding in fake interest, the teen girls impatiently waited to board the vans. These men had no connection to the team, just three hitchhikers from Holland with cool accents. Nothing more was said about it. The bags were packed, the people were seated, and away they went!

After a stop at the market, where a couple brave souls tried the freshest goat's milk ever, and some Guatemalan history was taught, it was back to the vans. Piled full with passengers, the trip was somewhat unpleasant. Some rested their heads on the forward seat, moaning and groaning in misery, while others, alert as meerkats, ooh'd and ahh'd at every palm tree, every house, ever Guatemalan family. Excited chatter drowned out the hum of the vehicle's engine, and lulled the motion-sick girls into a fitful slumber.

All the while, the three men in the back gabbed on and on, scarcely stopping for breath. They spoke Dutch, so the Canadians were oblivious to what conversations were being held. The only moments of comprehension were the frequent swears and coarse language, which for some reason, were spoken in English. After a while, one woman politely asked them to swear in Dutch, if they had to swear at all, to which they kindly obliged.

Whispers flew throughout the van- were these men Christians? Missionaries? Church-goers, anything? The answer to all questions was: no. Confusion settled in. Why on earth would these unbelievers be going to Impact Ministries, of all places? From Holland? It seemed slightly out-of-the-ordinary. Little did the Dancing Team realize that they were sitting in a van with an answer to prayer... from Holland. A miraculous story was unfolding right before their eyes, and they were sitting right alongside it!

*Pause* Back to Edgar.

There seemed to be no other option. Tactic had been his livelihood and held his childhood. His family, his friends, everything. But there was nothing left for him. He was desperate and disheartened, and not eager to have to leave now to start a new life in a far-off land. They prayed and prayed, pleading that God would send them some way to keep them in Tactic, where Edgar could use his skills in Agricultural Engineering, but still do God's work as a pastor. It seemed that there would be no answer. Discouraged, plans were begun. Plans that would carry dear Edgar away from home.

It happened unexpectedly. Whether by email or letter I know not, but a message was received. A message from... Holland?! Curious Les Peters read on. It was from the Kubo Sustainable Greenhouses company, and their network of partners in Holland. They were writing about some sort of 'Seeds of Tomorrow' project. Helpful or pointless? Les couldn't be certain, but something inside him encouraged him to read on.

The Seeds of Tomorrow project, hosted by Houweling's Tomatoes, seemed to be offering to build a greenhouse, right there in Tactic! Les scanned all the fineprint for any catches. Nope, confirming Les' hesitant belief, he read that it was a gift. Absolutely free. They were sending workers from Holland, should Impact Ministries accept, for June-July 2013. Overwhelmed and amazed, Les read up on the greenhouse itself. A huge glass structure, filled with the latest greenhouse technology in the world. Sensors tell the shutters to close automatically whenever the greenhouse got too hot, and to re-open once it cooled off. With ingeniously planned tables and hosing systems, the ultra-modern $60,000 building was a gift to Impact Ministries, and to the whole city of Tactic. What Hoeweling's Tomatoes may not have realized, was the fact that God was using them to answer Edgar's prayers.

With growing realization and joy, Les recognized this as the hand of God. A greenhouse was precisely what was needed for Edgar to stay in Tactic! It would be given to Edgar to run and work in, using his Agricultural Engineering education. It would be his job! What's even more amazing? Out of all the places it could have been built, this non-Christian organization chose Impact Ministries! So Edgar could keep his job as a Pastor, stay with his friends and family, in the city that he loved, and he can run the greenhouse!

Not only was this a benefit to Edgar, but also to Impact Ministries, as the food will be given first of all to the children attending the Impact Ministries Schools. In school, the workers at the greenhouse will teach the children how to plant vegetables, and they will learn about the importance of good nutrition. In this way, they will grow to help their community! The greenhouse will benefit all of Tactic!

*Pause* Back to the team. (Us.)

It had been five days since the start of the crazy venture. Everyone was tired, and really just wanted to shower and hop into bed. Les Peters brought the team to the Impact Ministries guesthouse, and showed them the machines they use to make bricks. It was a long and hard process, but generally interesting. Without complaint, they were driven up the steep gravel toad to the guesthouse. The team complimented and fantasied over the guesthouse- it was absolutely beautiful! Stories were told and the team listened in genuine interests, but once sporadic yawns were now frequent- you're yawning now, aren't you?

Hopping once again into the cramped van, the team members prayed and hoped it would be soon time to head home, but they were disappointed to see the van point itself in a new direction- a very dangerous looking gravel road winding its way up the mountainside... too steep for sensible drivers. The exhausted Canadians gripped the van's seats as they felt the world tilt sideways. They were sure that if they went any steeper, they would be upside down.

Pale and shaken, the team emerged from the vans at the top of the mountainside, not very impressed by the trip. Leaving no time for grumbling, Les hustled them off toward a huge glass building. A large sign outside claimed "Seeds of Tomorrow Project." With barely a glance, the weary dancers and parents slumped inside the building, where they saw a familiar face. It was one of the men from Holland who had driven up to Tactic with the team! He waved, but returned swiftly to his busywork. The building was not quite finished.

Now somewhat interested, tired figures pried droopy eyes open, and listened to the story. Les told of a particular Guatemalan man named Edgar. He told them how Edgar wanted so badly to stay in Guatemala, but he couldn't with little money, a family to raise, and an education that was doing nothing up here in the mountains. But one day, out of the blue, just when all hope seemed lost and it seemed like God was telling them, 'No,' everything suddenly went right. Their prayers were answered, and in such enormity that they were overwhelmed. It all came in the form of a greenhouse from Holland.

Still, the miracle amazes them. The sheer impracticality of it all sends shivers down anyone's spine! First, a greenhouse was exactly what they needed. It gave Edgar a job, and it fed the community! Second, it's equipped with the most modern technology in the world! Third, it was completely free! A normally $60,000+ greenhouse was a total gift from total strangers. Fourth, it's from HOLLAND of all places! Fifth, do you really think it's mere coincidence that out of all the places in the world, Holland chose Guatemala?! And Tactic, a remote country way up in the mountains, of all places? I think not! Sixth, It's a non-Christian organization! Those Dutch men were not Christians, which was plain and evident in their language.... But it shows that God can work through anyone and everyone to get his work done. Seventh, they took time out of their summer vacation. These non-Christian men left their families to travel to Guatemala, not the number one spot for summer getaways. Plus, they had to travel the gruelling road trip along with us- definitely not a pleasant experience. And they did it all to work in the heat and humidity on a humongous greenhouse! One man's father actually died while we were up in Tactic. They really made a sacrifice to come work on that project. Eighth, this team was privileged and blessed to be the first team to see the greenhouse. And hearing Edgar's story and actually seeing the miracle being built- wow. It's hard to describe.

In short, that project was a downright, bona fide miracle straight from God's hands. There are no such things as accidents.

As the Guatemala Team listened in awe, they realized that they had been driving up the mountain with just a few puzzle pieces to God's amazing answer to prayer. They left that day with mixed feelings, pondering the amazing wonder that God had performed before their very eyes. One of them, a 15-year-old dancer named Karis, set her mind on writing out the special revelations from God in her journal. She also chose this story as the one that impacted her the most out of the whole trip to Guatemala.

     Les' talks and stories inspired me so much. It sounds cliche, but I don't want to waste my life. Learning about the greenhouse and Edgar's story, it was proof to my that God's blessings come to pass, but on HIS time, through HIS sources, and in HIS way. 
     Sometimes when we pray, we tend to pray in a way that suits our details. We define what we want, how we want it, when we want it, and where. But we forget that God has way better plans than ours- let's not get too specific here! We need faith!
     Sometimes, they come in the most surprising ways. For Edgar's story, everyone thought it was hopeless, people were beginning to despair, but THAT was when God sent the Greenhouse! An unexpected, surprise blessing in the most unexpected way, but it turned out to be a blessing to more people than could've ever been imagined, and in a better way than ever expected! 
     It was as if God sent an explosion to say, "Hey, guys, do you forget who I Am and the miracles that I've told you from the bible? It's ME! I've been here the whole time, and I've known how it would play out. I orchestrated the whole thing! I've had my hand on you and I've been preparing a blessing for you bigger and better than what you ever thought possible. Where was your faith?"
     We really should start expecting the unexpected, and have faith that our God can do great things. That story strengthened my belief that when we step out in faith, spend unconditionally what God's given us, and serve Him wholeheartedly, He WILL bless us. And... I think He likes to surprise us, and remind us that His plan is way better than ours.

So, what do you make of it? Take it or leave it. God blesses those who serve Him, as Edgar's story proves. Just because He's not answering your prayer in the way you think he should, certainly doesn't mean he's abandoned you. He's probably telling you, "Just hang in there a second- wait til you see what's coming up!" I feel like that gives Him the most joy. Edgar had just about lost all hope- and it certainly didn't seem like God cared or remembered, or was planning on helping Him out. But look what happened! The biggest miracle, helping not just Edgar, but everyone around Him, coming from the most unexpected place in the most unexpected way, and touching so many lives! Wow! I bet that was better than what Edgar had in mind....

And if you think about it, that happens a lot in the bible. We don't notice it because when we read... the story of Joseph, we read the whole thing. We know what happens. We know it all turns out okay. But if you lived like Joseph, real-time action, it would sure seem like God had abandoned him. As he was dragged by a donkey across the desert to be sold as a slave in Egypt, abandoned by his own brothers, I'm sure he wasn't expecting God to make Him the 2nd most powerful man in Egypt. Gideon. Esther. Daniel. Moses. We read the whole stories. But it's just like Edgar. We can add him to the list. How he felt is probably similar to what they felt. They most likely weren't expecting the answer to prayer that God gave them but, in the end, His way was a billion times better than what they had hoped for.

Isn't God amazing??